112. It Isn’t Silly

0:00 What’s up everyone? It’s Jennie Dildine, the LDS mission coach and you are listening to the LDS mission Podcast, episode number 112. It isn’t silly. I’m Jennie, the LDS mission coach. And whether you’re preparing to serve a mission, currently serving a returned missionary or a missionary mama like me, I created this podcast just for you. Are you searching for epic confidence? Ready to love yourself and to learn the how of doing hard things? Then let’s go. I will help you step powerfully into your potential and never question your purpose. Again, it’s time to embrace yourself, embrace your mission, embrace your life, and embrace what’s next. Hey, everybody, welcome. I’m so happy that you’re here. I’m so happy that you care about your mental and emotional well being or the mental and emotional well being of your missionaries. It’s good work we’re doing here, folks. And I’m just so grateful that I get to be a part of your week, a part of your missionaries week if they’re listening on the Google Drive. And that’s good stuff. It’s really good stuff that we’re doing. And we’re helping missionaries, and return missionaries learn how to empower themselves more, which is amazing. Listen, if you do not know this, you can send this podcast to your missionary via Google Drive. And I don’t get any kickback for this. There’s no cost to it, it’s completely free. It’s just something that I want to do to help more missionaries. So if you’re interested on getting this podcast via Google Drive for your missionary, all you have to do is send an email to podcast at Jennie dildine.com. And we will make sure you have all of the information to get them these podcasts. If for some reason, that doesn’t work. Just a reminder that all of the transcripts, both in PDF form and in text form are on my website. I know sometimes I would listen to a podcast when my sons were on their missions. And it was like, I just wish that I could have that and send it to them. And so I’m doing that for you guys on the website all completely free. So if that’s something you’re interested in, those are there for you too, on the website. So super fun. The work that we’re doing here today I want to talk about it isn’t silly. Now, the reason that this kind of came up is because I had sort of this series of clients, a theme kind of keep coming up, both with missionary moms that I coach, as well as return missionaries that I coach as well as currently serving missionaries that I was working with. And even a preparing missionary now that I think about it, he kind of had said this as well. He they there was this trend where everyone would say this is how I’m feeling or this is what’s going on. But I know that’s really silly. One instance was I have a client who got engaged, and she’s getting married, actually really soon. And, yeah, it’s coming up here really soon. And we got on a call. And she was really overwhelmed. And she was really stressed. And she was kind of frustrated with her fiance for a couple of things that had happened. And she was overwhelmed with work and school and all of the things and projects. And she just said and I know that’s all really silly. I was like, Huh, that’s interesting that our brain wants to believe that it’s silly. And of course, what I always try to do is I’m always like, No, it’s not silly, it’s fine, you know, but today I want to talk about more, talk more about why it’s not silly. Why it’s not silly that your brain offers you thoughts, why it’s not silly that you feel the way that you feel, and what happens when we tell ourselves that this is silly, or this is stupid, or that this is dumb. Another guy preparing missionary, now that I’m thinking about it, he was working at a ropes course and they have all these kids come from day camps and things like that. And I got on the call and I was like How was your day and he’s like, it was really overwhelming. But that’s really silly. I should just be grateful for my job. And I said, Why what happened? And he said, it was a bunch of five year olds and they were very active and I couldn’t get them to listen and they’re kind of all over the place. And I was like listen, that is not silly, that you’re like exhausted. It’s not silly at all. And then I worked with another RM recently who felt like things went pretty well with his mission president while he was on the mission, but now he’s getting home. And he’s realizing that some of the things, that some of the ways that he was treated and some of the ways that he was talking to was maybe not ideal. And he said, You know, I have all of these feelings about my mission president, and they’re not good feelings, I feel resentful, and frustrated. And he said, but that’s just silly and dumb. And, and what I found with all of these instances, as people will then start to make excuses about why they shouldn’t feel the way they do. Or they try to reason in their mind. Why, like, what this client in particular, why he would say to me, I mean, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about my mission president, he’s a really good guy. And he’s really, like, he was serving part of his life. And he was doing all of the, you know, he’s a really faithful member of our faith and all of that. And I’m like, listen, I get that. And it’s still not silly, that you’re thinking and feeling the way that you do. Okay, so that is my goal, at the end of this podcast, is that all of us quit thinking, that’s silly. Or that’s dumb, or I shouldn’t be feeling that way. Or I shouldn’t be thinking that way. Or are we just try to make excuses for other people? By saying, or I guess more for ourselves? By saying, No, we shouldn’t look at the negative we shouldn’t, you know, this person is a really good guy. And I’m like, Yes. And like, it’s totally not silly. So here’s this analogy that I came up with, because I happen to be talking to this client when he was on a houseboat and Lake Powell. And so when I was talking to him about this situation with his mission president, and he’s been home from his mission for a minute. But kind of all of these emotions, and these feelings started coming to the surface. And I noticed how like a thought would come up. Like, it was really frustrating that it didn’t help me get the care that I needed while on my mission. When all of those those thoughts started coming up. And I was like, oh, gosh, that’s hard. How would that make you feel? He’s like, I feel a lot of resentment. And so he then though, would say, but he’s a really good guy. And he and I shouldn’t this and I shouldn’t think that way about him. And I was like, No, listen, it’s totally okay. So the analogy that I came up with, is that what we tend to do is think about sort of some of the thoughts that we have, and some of these beliefs that we’ve been thinking about for a long time. It’s kind of like the sand at the bottom of Lake Powell. Okay, and as I’m talking through something with a client, as we’re sort of like working through, and I think there’s different layers to things that we talk about, and things that we address, then as we do that picture, it’s like your take going down to the bottom of the, like, you’re grabbing a bunch of sand, and we bring it up. During that conversation. Like we noticed some thoughts and feelings that this RM was having. We brought it up and we’re looking at the sand. We’re like, Oh, that’s so interesting. Oh, notice how my brain is thinking that and I’m feeling this way. And so that’s really interesting. But then, as soon as we say, but that’s dumb. Or that’s silly, or I shouldn’t think that way about this person. Or this person is a really good guy. My, my thoughts and feelings are irrelevant, right? What happens is notice, picture it like we open up our hands, open up our fingers, and that sand just flows through and goes back down to the bottom of the lake. Okay, so what happens when we decide that something silly or we shouldn’t be thinking that or we make excuses or whatever? Or, or? Like unvalidated? Is that even a word we we don’t validate ourselves and where we’re at and instead, choose to

9:25 really bring someone else? How am I trying to say this? Let me start over. So this is what happens when we start to believe that something silly is we lose complete access to it. And if we don’t have access to it, that sand just stays at the bottom of the lake. And we don’t know what is kind of affecting our thoughts and our feelings and our beliefs and our actions until we understand what’s there. Now I’m not talking Come out, I think I’m gonna record another podcast about this, about why we do the things that we do. But I’m not talking about like, we don’t have to dig up like all of our past and like, go into these deep, dark reasons that we think and feel the way we do. That’s not what I’m talking about, I’m just talking about is in a conversation, up comes a thought that we’re ready to take a look at and ready to explore up comes a feeling that we’re ready to explore and take a look at and maybe change. And then we’re like, oh, it’s silly, and then all that sand goes back to the bottom of the lake, it’s really hard when we brush it under the rug, when all that sand goes back down to the bottom of the lake for us to look at it at all. Now, sometimes when we bring that sand up, and we’re looking at it, and I’ve shared this example, like, probably 100 times on this podcast, because it’s the one that feels like my hardest clump of sand to let go up for my brain is that I’m weak. So when I bring that up, and all the emotion that’s associated with that, if I bring that sand up from the bottom of the lake, and I’m looking at it, sometimes it doesn’t feel good, right? Sometimes, there’s a lot of emotion associated with that. And it, it requires us being vulnerable. And, and so I do think it’s a tool of our brain to sort of be like, well, that’s silly, so that we don’t, so that we can quickly put that back in his place. Now some of this, like stuff from the bottom of your lake is going to require some more intense work, maybe with a therapist or things like that. And that’s not what I’m talking about here. Like if you’ve had any sort of traumatic experience that you need to work through with a therapist, I like I highly recommend that you do that. And don’t bring all of that stuff re traumatize yourself by bringing all of that stuff up from the bottom. But if you’re in a session with me or with a coach or with a conversate, like in a conversation with someone or with your companion, and all of a sudden you’re like, oh, gosh, that’s so interesting. That that bothers me so much. That’s so interesting that I’m starting to feel resentful about my companion and the way that he showed up there. It’s so interesting that I’m so affected by the fact that my parents haven’t sent me an email in five weeks. That’s so. So it’s that kind of thing, where we just notice, we become aware, like I talked about on the podcast a little bit ago, we’re bringing that sound up, we’re gonna look at it. We’re gonna just take a look at it and see what’s going on. And then just hold it in instead of being like that silly. That’s dumb, and then just dropping it. So I’m also not saying that we need to dwell on negativity. I, of course, didn’t encourage my clients to be like, yes, let’s say all the things that are terrible about the mission president No, it’s like, yes, we understand that he is a good guy. And he did have the best intentions, hopefully. And for some reason, this is kind of bugging me. It’s kind of like sand in your swimsuit. Kind of bugs you. Right. So let’s keep it up here. Let’s keep it and let’s take a look at it. Let’s, let’s understand what that’s about. Now. How do we keep the sand above the surface? There’s a couple of ways that we can do this. Okay, number one is just make yourself an observer of it. So if you’re just picturing yourself holding some sand, like you’re standing in the lake, you’ve grabbed from the bottom, you pulled it back up, and you’re looking at it, you just observe, you’re like, oh, so interesting. I didn’t know that I, I would have such an emotional reaction. When when that person, you know ghosted me on the mission or, or when that girl decided to not show up for the date that we planned. That’s so interesting. So we can just be the observer of the sand of what’s going on. Instead of telling yourself you’re silly, you can also be like, I’m feeling this way. And it’s okay. Like, it’s okay that I feel a little bit of resentment. It’s okay, that I feel a little bit overwhelmed with 25 five year olds. Make sense, right. It’s okay, that I’m a little bit irritated that my fiance texted me in the middle of work and wanting to meet up pick out a couch right there. While I was overwhelmed with all of this stuff, it makes sense. And it’s okay that I feel irritated. And then the third thing and I’ve said this a couple times already is it makes sense. Just give yourself fat. Give yourself that gift of telling yourself, this makes sense actually, that I feel stressed, this makes sense that I feel if you’re irritated, this makes sense that I feel overwhelmed. This makes sense that I feel resentment, all of those sort of thoughts associated with us looking at the thoughts that are causing pain in the first place, we’ll keep that sound at the surface, so that we quit judging it so that we quit saying that silly, or that’s dumb, or my branch and presidents amazing. And so this, that and the other. And just dropping all of that sand is that allows us to start doing some work. It allows us to start evaluating those thoughts, evaluating those feelings, and decide if we want to change them, decide if we want to influence them, or have power over them or have some agency over them to change the experience that we’re having. So that we can heal, so that we can move on. And so long as we just keep saying, well, that’s silly, I shouldn’t feel that way. I shouldn’t think that way, that sound just goes to the bottom. Now, I want to share one last thing, which with you, which I have found with my clients is that your brain and your body will know when it’s time. And when you’re ready to take a look at something. Okay, so whether it’s to do with like, maybe your, your relationship with yourself, or whether it’s you trusting yourself or whether it’s forgiving yourself or healing a relationship. You Your body knows when to bring that stuff up to the surface. And it was sort of like with this client, we had, you know, we talked a lot on the surface about some things. And then finally, in this one session, he was ready to open up a little bit more and bring some of that sand up to take a look at it. And I always say that our brain and our body knows when it’s time and when we’re ready. And when we’re strong enough and when we’re capable enough to take a look at some of those things. So don’t you guys, it isn’t silly. It’s not dumb, the way you’re thinking and feeling. We don’t need to make excuses for other people. Other people can be amazing humans and is still not silly. Right? You have that human brain, it’s looking for problems, you’re gonna feel feelings. And it’s all okay, so be the observer. Tell yourself, I feel resentment, and it’s totally fine. Or I feel resentment, or I’m thinking this way. And this makes sense. All right. And it’s from that place, understanding where you are holding that sand in your hands, without letting it run through your fingers, where you will start to make traction, and start to make the changes in how you think. And then eventually how you feel. And then also in the experience that you’re having. So quit telling yourself that it’s silly. It’s just not all right. Okay, everyone have the most amazing week, and we will see you next time. Serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can present a unique set of challenges, and many of those challenges you might not even see coming. So you’re gonna want a unique set of solutions. It’s easier than you think to overcome worry and anxiety, serve the successful mission you’ve always dreamed up and navigate your post mission experience with confidence. That is why I created some amazing free goodies that I’m sharing in my show notes. Maybe you want to grab the free training for preparing missionaries might video course for RMS or maybe you and I should hop on a free strategy call. If you’re ready to take your preparedness to serve or your preparedness to come home to the next level. Then go grab one of those freebies. And in the meantime, no matter which part of the mission experience you were involved in. Just know that Jenny, the LDS mission coach is thinking about you every single day.