In this episode, we dive into emotional resilience and explore a different perspective on how to navigate emotions. Piggy-backing off the previous episode, we challenge the common belief that emotional resilience is moving from negative to positive emotions. Instead, we learn that emotional resilience involves learning how to let all emotions be felt with compassion.
We discuss the importance of being with ourselves and offering self-compassion during challenging times. Feeling every emotion as it comes rather than constantly striving to feel only happiness can bring new levels of confidence. Engaging in relaxing activities is super valuable, but sometimes isn’t helpful. There are moments when these strategies may not work and we find ourselves feeling sad, anxious or discouraged. At these times, a new skill set is required — the ability to surrender to these difficult emotions while having self-compassion.
Throughout the episode, we emphasize the power of creating a safe and comfortable space within ourselves to navigate challenges. Rather than judging and criticizing ourselves for experiencing these challenging emotions, we encourage listeners to cultivate non-judgment and self-compassion. Three key practices are crucial to creating a safe space. Refraining from judgment, making ample space to feel, and letting go of the need to be different, are it.
By embracing these practices, we not only develop a greater capacity to move through difficult emotions, but we also reduce the intensity of suffering challenges. Ultimately, this mindset shift and approach to emotional resilience can be a game changer. Let it help you navigate the ups and downs of your mission and life with grace and self-acceptance.
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0:00 Hey, what’s up everyone, it’s Jennie Dildine, the LDS mission coach and you are listening to the LDS mission Podcast, episode number 116. A word about emotional resilience. I’m Jennie the LDS mission coach. And whether you’re preparing to serve a mission, currently serving a returned missionary or a missionary mama like me, I created this podcast just for you. Are you searching for epic confidence? Ready to love yourself and to learn the how of doing hard things? Then let’s go. I will help you step powerfully into your potential and never question your purpose. Again. It’s time to embrace yourself. Embrace your mission, embrace your life, and embrace what’s next. Hey, everybody, welcome to the podcast, just letting you know that I’m filling in a good mood today. I maybe shouldn’t be. I don’t know. Today, the day I’m recording this is we’re headed straight into September. And I always get a little bit worried about the fall and the winter coming. But today, I’m just feeling like really happy and motivated. So I’m gonna ride that wave as long as I can. And we’re gonna record this podcast. Let me tell you a little bit about what’s been going on in our lives. Today. Actually, I sent my son to college, my son that just graduated from high school, he is on the autism spectrum. And me down in Orem, living in Orem, close to some of my other married kids. So that is going to be great, I think place for him to be at UVU. Well, he’s going to be an ensign for a couple semesters until he gets his residency. And then he’s going to be at UVU and wants to be a pilot. So that is going to be super amazing. Um, I did say goodbye to him this morning. And he said goodbye to a lot of his friends last night. And he was really emotional, and really upset and really sad. And it kind of goes along with what I want to talk about today, which is emotional resilience. So we’re gonna get to that in just a minute. But one of the things that I told him, because he was starting to kind of get really sort of, like, amped up and you know, those moments when you’re like crying, but it’s starting to get a little bit like, pretty soon you feel like you can’t really catch a breath, because you’re crying so hard. And so I just went up, and I put my arm around him, and I’m like, listen, it’s okay for you to cry. And he said, I don’t know, like, I just feel like I shouldn’t be crying, I should be excited to go and, and I said, I know you, you can be excited, and it’s okay to cry. And so we just kind of talked through the fact that it makes sense totally, that he is feeling sad to say goodbye to his friends, it, it makes total sense that he’s feeling afraid, it makes total sense that he is maybe feeling a little insecure about what’s coming next. And all of those are normal, natural feelings, right before you do something really big. And so I just want to put that out there that if you guys are having a bad day, if you are, if you have cried, if you are feeling upset, totally Oh K and it makes sense, especially if you have something big. That’s kind of on the horizon for you. So just allow yourself that space. And we’re going to talk a little bit about that today. I sent him on his way. And then I went up to his room and it was empty. And I, you know, had some feelings myself and I just allowed myself to feel all of those feelings, and to process all of those and none of them are bad. None of them are wrong. They all make complete and total sense. So that’s kind of what’s going on. We just got back from a trip. My husband and I were in Banff, Canada, which was amazing. We flew into Calgary and then drove up. I’m pretty sure it’s up. I might be wrong. But we drove from Calgary, up into the park there to Bamp the National Park. So it was gorgeous. Have you ever seen the water there? I mean, I didn’t even know water could be that color. It’s so just beautiful and aquamarine blue and just breathtaking. So we went to Banff and Lake Louise which was really a fun thing. And yeah, we have some other are fun stuff, school’s getting into full swing and other fun things coming up, including a new program that we’re going to be launching here very quickly for preparing missionaries. I picture it much like a pre MTC that we’re not going to call it that. We’re gonna let the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints keep their own name and keep that to themselves. But I do think of it much like a pre MTC, where we’re going to be teaching with some coaches and with some returned missionary mentors, be teaching all of the emotional and mental tools that we teach her on the podcast that you’re going to be able to get in an in depth way, two weeks, two weeks at a time in a session, just like if you were going to a zoom MTC class, and I am so so excited about that, because the more help we get to preparing missionaries, the better experience they’re going to have on their mission. And I’ve just had such an overwhelming response and returned missionaries who are applying to become our mentors, it just, I think, shows how much everyone cares about this work about these missionaries, and about they all want to help, they all want to have a piece of it and all want a role in helping missionaries empower themselves, which is super, super fun. So all of that, I think is the update. And what I wanted to talk about today is just a quick word about emotional resilience. And the reason that this sort of came up is sort of like a companion or a piggy back to the podcast that I recorded last week, about when I have grown a foot or two. And that is all about kind of what I would think you should sort of do for yourself and teach yourself and what we can do for our kids and teach our kids and our teens and our young adults about how to be emotionally resilient. And this is sort of like a piggy back onto that one. Because as I was preparing that what I sort of realized, which I hadn’t really realized before, as much of the time when we talk about emotional resilience, we talk about this idea that either we will be sort of prevented, or we will somehow create a shield in which we do not feel, quote unquote, negative emotion, you guys know, I don’t like to call it negative emotion. It’s just emotion that’s in our body, it gives us information. It’s just feelings, vibrations, movement, none of it is good or bad. But emotions that don’t feel as good. I think we sort of think that that’s what emotional resilience is for is either to ward off those emotions completely, or to get to the other side of those emotions as quickly as possible. And so even as I was reading some stuff, I was noticing how we’re sort of taught these tools, many of the tools are just to help us quickly get from not feeling good to feeling good again. And what I want to offer today, is this idea that emotional resilience is not just how to feel good, again, how to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible. Or even I was sort of thinking of it as like there’s a river and I’m on this side of the river. And I got to figure out how to get to the other side of the river as quickly as possible. But how do we be with ourselves
8:38 and care for ourselves, even when it feels bad? Okay, so not just getting to the good, but how do we take care of ourselves when it feels bad? Sometimes I actually wonder if we’ve learned the wrong skill set, right, we sort of all know what makes us happy. Or like, Oh, I could go for a run, or I could hang out with my friends or I could take a nap or whatever it is for you. And it’s going to be different for all of us. I think that we understand what is supposed to make us happy. And maybe you have a list like that two of things that you can do to help yourself, create those endorphins and be happy and you know, happy Think happy thoughts and all of that kind of thing. I actually just had a dance party in my office here. I always do before I record a podcast. So just a little side note. So we all have a list like that of things that we can do to make ourselves happy. And I am all for those things. I’m not saying we shouldn’t do those things. I’m not saying that those things don’t work from time to time. But sometimes when those things aren’t working when we have a particularly challenging circumstance sometimes As we’re just going to need to be sad, and things are just going to need to be hard. Or maybe we’re going through a period of our life where we’re feeling particularly anxious. I know I’ve had seasons of my life where I’m more anxious than others, or more, tend to be more down or more depressed or more discouraged. So when you can’t stay positive, when you can’t quote, unquote, make yourself feel those feelings you want to feel. And after you’ve tried all of the things, and you still are sort of in that same place, a far more useful skill is learning how to be with yourself, how to be kind to yourself, how to be loving to yourself, in the parts that don’t feel good. It’s a new skill set, right? So instead of just being like, I’m just gonna be happy again. It’s like, No, I’m gonna learn how to surrender to and be kind to myself when I’m not. It’s learning how to be kind and loving, to the version of you, that because you’re human, remember, you’re a missionary, but you’re a human missionary, or you’re a returned missionary. But you’re also a human returned missionary, okay, or maybe your mom or whatever is going on for you. We’re all human. And remember, what we we’ve been learning here on the podcast is that it’s 5050, half of the time, we’re going to feel feelings that feel good half the time, we’re going to feel feelings that don’t feel good. So the most powerful skill set you can add to your toolkit is how to not just be happy, but how to become kind and compassionate, when you’re feeling sad. And this is a game changer, this, I feel is actually the most important part of emotional resilience. Okay, it’s the most important part. Because what this does, when we sort of learn how to create all these more challenging experiences, experiences, these more challenging emotions, with love and compassion, and surrender, then, not only do we come out of them more quickly, but we don’t cause such intense suffering around those, these moments where it is hard to sometimes feel the way that we would like to feel, by the way, we’re not always supposed to. But sometimes we’d like to feel better, and it’s just not working. And that’s okay. So what I was thinking about is just creating a safe, comfortable place for you to maneuver that river. And sometimes I’ve referred to it as the river of misery, you can go back and find a podcast about the river of misery. But finding a safe, comfortable home where you can navigate that. So notice how, if you were let’s say having a sort of a struggle on your mission with your companion, or maybe you weren’t, like meeting your goals or something like that, and all of a sudden, you start to notice you kind of are in this pattern of feeling sad, feeling overwhelmed, feeling anxious, or something like that. There’s that river of misery that you might be in. But what we can do, instead of just judging that the sadness or the anxiousness that we’re feeling, we can create a safe sort of boat, almost what I actually have pictured in my mind, because I’m very visual person is a boat, but it’s like totally padded, almost like clouds, or like cotton balls or something, where it’s very safe for you to navigate that river. And very safe for you to feel those emotions, without it sort of like taking you down and sinking your boat in that river of misery. Okay. And here are I just came up with three because, again, this is just a quick word about emotional resilience. And I’m sure there are many, many, many other ways that you could create a safe landing place or a safe boat for you to get across the river of misery, but I came up with these three is number one, not layer on judgment. Number two, make plenty of space to feel and number three not think that you need to be different. Okay, so one of the worst things that we can do when we’re feeling sad or mad or anxious or overwhelmed, right or any of those emotions is we can judge it and we can think something like a Hmm, I shouldn’t be feeling this way. What’s wrong with you, if you were more spiritual, if you were more righteous, if you were more obedient, all of those things like, don’t judge yourself, that’s just like sinking your boat. Instead, what you can do is you just notice the emotions you’re having with compassion and love. And you’re like, Oh, I noticed I’m having a hard time. That’s okay, I noticed that I’m really struggling, that’s okay, I noticed I’m feeling really anxious, that’s okay. I’m gonna be the type of person that doesn’t judge the thoughts or judge my own emotions. It’s funny how we’re so good at doing that for other people. But it’s much harder to do for ourselves. Okay, it is just your brain. Whatever thoughts your brain is offering you, is because it thinks it’s useful, it thinks it’s a way to create that safe boat for you. So don’t, don’t even judge it if you have these thoughts or feelings from time to time. Like, I can’t feel this way, or I shouldn’t feel that way. We don’t even want to judge that. Okay, we just want to be like, Oh, this is where I’m at, we get really present with it totally fine that I’m there. And not later on that judgment number to make space to feel one of the things my son said last night, when I was talking to him, and he was feeling really upset, as he just said, I just feel like I shouldn’t cry, or I can’t cry. And I’m like, No, you should totally cry. I think we put a lot of meaning on that of being vulnerable or being sad or being anxious or whatever. And we don’t need to do that. Just give yourself Self plenty of space in your boat, that you’re creating that safe place, that safe landing place to feel.
16:56 It’s okay to feel we’re supposed to feel it’s one of the reasons that we’re here on this earth. And number three, don’t think that you need to be different. This is one of the things I see most often right with currently serving missionaries and return missionaries, by the way is they compare themselves to other people, like so and so did great when they came home from their mission. That’s how I should be doing too. And it’s just not true. Or someone so is, you know, killing it on the mission. And they’re getting all their goals. And they always seem happy. And they shouldn’t be, I shouldn’t be happy like them. And that’s just not true. Because you’re not them. You shouldn’t ever be different than you just are. And that’s the truth. So, all of that to say you guys, let’s start thinking about emotional resilience, not as just tools to get us out of feeling the way that we’re feeling as quickly as possible. Let’s start thinking of emotional resilience as the skill set that we build, to really have our own backs. Be kind to ourselves, when things feel challenging. Let’s create that even though it sounds really silly. If we’re in the river of misery, or sadness or anxiety, let’s create that safe like comfortable boat full of cotton balls for us to sit in. So that we feel safe and protected. We have to be our own safe place to land because other people can’t be that for us. Sometimes they can. But most often, the most powerful thing is for us to be our own safe place to land and to maneuver, the emotions that we experience on it on a day to day basis. I just want to say one more thing is that I don’t think I hope it goes without saying that. It This isn’t easy. This isn’t something that just comes naturally because you’ve got that human brain. And I’m not even saying that you should be positive and happy all the time. And no one is saying that you should be over this already. I think those are some of those more damaging ways to talk to yourself is like this should be easy. I shouldn’t be positive or happy. I should be over this already. We don’t need to say those things anymore. Where your app makes sense. It’s totally fine. And build the skill of being kind and loving and compassionate towards yourself. And where do those emotions come from? They come from the way that you think. They come from the way that you think about your emotions, the way that you think about yourself, and so you can start creating that safe place, that safe haven that safe place to land and that is the biggest emotional resilience tool. Okay, Learn how to be kind, even when you’re feeling sad kind to yourself. Alright, everyone have the most amazing week and we’ll talk to you next time. Serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can present a unique set of challenges, and many of those challenges you might not even see coming. So you’re gonna want a unique set of solutions. It’s easier than you think to overcome worry and anxiety, serve the successful mission you’ve always dreamed up and navigate your post mission experience with confidence. That is why I created some amazing free goodies that I’m sharing in my show notes. Maybe you’ll want to grab the free training for preparing missionaries, my video course for RMS or maybe you and I should hop on a free strategy call. If you’re ready to take your preparedness to serve or your preparedness to come home to the next level. Then go grab one of those freebies. And in the meantime, no matter which part of the mission experience you are involved in, just know that Jenny, the LDS mission coach is thinking about you every single day.
