159. Wanting and Willingness

Episode 159 – Wanting and Willingness

In this episode, I discuss the difference between wanting and willingness. I share personal experiences where I have learned to say no to things I don’t want to do, in order to better understand my own desires.

However, I also emphasize the importance of being willing to do things even when we don’t want to, through sacrifice. This willingness allows us to have ownership over our experiences.

I relate this concept to serving a mission, encouraging missionaries and returned missionaries to reflect on their own wants and needs, while also being willing to overcome challenges through sacrifice.

As always, if you found this episode helpful, I want to invite you to subscribe if you aren’t already, share this episode with your friends and missionaries you know, and write a review. I know this work will help missionaries around the world and it would mean so much to me if you did. Until next week my friends.

Website | Instagram | Facebook

Get the Full Show Notes HERE

Free PDF Download:  Preparing Missionary Cheat Sheet

My Free Training for Preparing Missionaries:  Change Your Mission with this One Tool

RM Transition Free Video Series:  3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home

Free Guide:  5 Tips to Help Any Returning MissionarySchedule a Free Strategy Call:   Click Here

Jennie Dildine 0:00 Hey, what’s up everyone, it’s Jennie Dildine, the LDS mission coach and you are listening to the LDS mission Podcast, episode number 159, wanting and willingness. I’m Jennie the LDS mission coach. And whether you’re preparing to serve a mission, currently serving a returned missionary or a missionary mama like me, I created this podcast just for you. Are you searching for epic confidence? Ready to love yourself and to learn the how of doing hard things? Then let’s go. I will help you step powerfully into your potential and never question your purpose. Again. It’s time to embrace yourself. Embrace your mission, embrace your life, and embrace what’s next.

Jennie Dildine 0:50 And everybody, welcome to the podcast. Thanks for being here. I have recently returned from a really awesome trip with millennial choirs and orchestras. We went to Boston, which was fun to see all of the American history sites. And then we also went up to Palmyra, we recorded a little video, you know, the sacred grove music video, I have no idea when any of that’s coming out. But it was all a really cool and powerful experience. Because then we were kind of upstate New York where we got to visit a lot of church history sites. And man, it was so hot. I felt like it was gonna melt. And you know, with the humidity and all of that. And then you’re wearing your like full dress to sing in. I don’t know if you’ve seen our dresses. But anyway, long sleeve and you just are so hot, you feel like you’re baking in the sun. But despite all of that, it was really a cool experience, and one that I will not forget. So we were also there with my parents, which ended up being really fun and a unique experience for my two girls that are still at home. They also sing in the choir. And so it was fun for all of us to go, I guess they were having like record temperatures in Boston. And, wow, we were really feeling it for sure. There was one day we were doing the hop on hop off bus and like towards about 230 in the afternoon. Like we all thought maybe we were gonna give up the ghost like it was just like, we were so done. It was so hot. i Yeah, wow, it was really hot. But also, we were willing to fill all of that. And that’s what we’re going to talk about today, it’s something that’s been on my mind for the last little bit is wanting or not wanting and being willing. And so that’s what we’re going to talk about today. And I think that this can apply in a lot of different situations.

Jennie Dildine 3:01 I know for sure it applied. When I was on this tour, some of the recording sessions, we had to get up at like four in the morning so that we can be ready and then to the video recording session, you know, early before it got hot and things like that. And I think a lot of times, we were just looking at something and we would be like, I don’t want to do that. Right. But then there’s this part of us that is maybe willing to do something, or willing to sacrifice something or willing to feel so that we can have the experience that we want in the end. And so I just kind of have jotted down a few little thoughts about this, maybe some examples that I want to share with you guys. And what I think we’re going to find is that when we can just be willing, that this is where our agency and power and individualism can come in, is just when we decide that we’re willing. So we’re going to talk through all of that. So the first thing I want to start with is that sometimes I feel like if we’ve gone through a certain stage in our lives, where we’ve been maybe in a people pleasing mode, where we are doing what other people want us to do for long periods of time, sometimes it is maybe possible and easy for us to sort of lose or lose track of what it is that we want. Okay. And I think that this is totally normal. I think that this is just like a stage that all of us go through.

Jennie Dildine 4:49 Maybe you feel like you’ve been in high school for a while, and you just always did what your friends wanted to. And this can be really even simple things like Like everyone wants to go to in and out, but you actually want to go get cup up or something like that. And instead of just saying what you want, or what you don’t want, you instead just do what everybody else wants, okay? Or maybe you feel this way on the mission, maybe you’re a junior companion. And you feel like you don’t have a lot of say, in what’s going on, and what you, you don’t really get to voice what you want, or what you don’t want, or you’re just so used to kind of falling in line with what everybody else does, that you might get really, genuinely confused or lose track of what you want. Maybe you’re home from your mission, right, and you’ve been doing what other people want for so long. And, and this is not to say that you don’t want those things to, but we start to maybe lose a little bit of our identity of what we actually want, because we’re just doing what everybody else wants. And I’m not saying that this is bad, or that this is wrong. But sometimes it can feel a little bit like disempowering, especially when we come out of an experience like that. And all of a sudden, we’re like, wait, what do I want, I can relate to this in the fact that once my daughter went to my youngest daughter went to kindergarten, my oldest son went on his mission. I was like, I felt like I had lived my whole life for my kids, which is not bad or wrong. But I also didn’t know any more what I wanted. And, and I think that figuring out what you want, is a really important process, especially if you’ve sort of been in this people pleasing for a while.

Jennie Dildine 6:49 So one of the things I think that we tend to do, when we’re trying to sort of put together our identity, put it back together, or maybe we’re just going through an identity shift. Maybe we’re just new to the mission. And maybe we’ve just gotten home, maybe we’ve just gotten engaged. And I feel like all of these involve identity shifts, that we tend to make as we’re going through like our life processes. I think one of the things we tend to do as we’re trying to put those things back together, is we get really sort of black and white about what we want, and what we don’t want. And actually, this is something that I’ve been working with my girls on for a while, is they’ll say things like, oh, you know, what about this party that is going on? I? I feel like I should go, but I don’t know if I want to go. Right. And so I feel like I’ve been trying to help them for quite some time. Be like, okay, so what do you want? What do you actually want to do? Do you want to go to the party or not? Because when we involve things like should do, or have to do something, that’s where that resentment starts to build up. And that’s where we kind of tend to lose ourselves even more and even more. So when my girls are invited to do something, or to participate in something. I want them to own more and more that they have a choice in whether they do that thing or not. And so I’ve been asking a lot lately, is that something you want to do? Yeah, and when we’re in people pleasing, and when we’ve been in people pleasing mode for quite some time? Usually the answer is, I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s something I want to do. Because we’re so used to like, let me check with all my friends. Let me check with all my companions, let me check with all of my roommates to see if that’s something I want to do. Okay, and instead of really going inside and looking for the answer of what you want to do.

Jennie Dildine 9:11 So if we’ve kind of silenced that, what we want for a while, or we’ve sort of buried it, what we want, I actually think it’s super good for us to start practicing, saying I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to go to that party. I don’t want to go to in and out. I don’t want to go on that date with that person that invited me. I don’t want to accept that job offer and then totally give yourself permission not to do something. Okay. I think this is a really important step in just figuring out what you do want and what you don’t want is Sometimes just saying no, I don’t want that. One example that just randomly came to me as like, last year Christmas cards, I have this idea I should do Christmas cards. Everyone’s expecting me to do Christmas cards or whatever. And I just told myself, I don’t want to do that. And then I fully gave myself permission to say, No, I’m not doing Christmas cards. So if you’re listening, and you’re hoping to get a Christmas card from me, I didn’t want to, and so I didn’t. Okay, now some of you might be listening and thinking like, oh, that sounds really selfish. Like, what about other people? What about taking other people take into consideration, and we’re going to totally get into that in just a second. Let me give you just another example is recently I was at this business conference thing, amazing business conference was someone that I really respected. And she had so many good ideas, and I was there with some friends. And it was just like, a beautiful weekend. And she kept saying, you know, she gave us like, work time to be like, Okay, now I want you to work on this, like work on your landing page of your website. Now work on your marketing message now work on this. And I just had this, like, I don’t want to do this right now. And I fully gave myself permission, even though like everyone around me was like, oh, you should do this. Now. Now’s the best time you should, you should. I was like, I don’t really want to, it didn’t feel like the right, like time for me to do it, I knew that I was having a hard time focusing. And so I just had planned on doing it later when I got home. And I might do it. And I might not all totally fine. The point is, is I didn’t want to in that moment, it felt like a lot of pressure, it felt like a lot of stress, it felt like every time I put my pen to my paper, my mind went totally blank. And that’s not super common for me. And so I was like, I don’t, I don’t want to do this right now. Okay, wanting you guys is for you, I really believe that our heavenly parents, when they designed us, they filled us up with this desire or this wanting to move forward, it helps us grow, it helps us evolve and transform into the kind of people that they that were meant to be. And this is where when we follow our wants that we can actually, you know, reach our fullest potential, have the greatest contribution in the world. And everything that we sort of want can be clues to where we’re meant to be headed. Okay. And also, I think that the things that we don’t want, can be also clues for what we’re not meant to be doing.

Jennie Dildine 12:59 Okay, I was thinking there was a little phase several years ago, where I was learning sign language. And I really wanted to learn sign language, okay, and I don’t really use it now at all. And I could maybe remember a few of the words, but at the time, that’s something I wanted. And what comes to mind is if you know, the sign language for want, and not want, this is a really clear image to me, of, like an example of things that are meant for me, and things that are not meant for me. So this want mean, you like pull your hands towards yourself, like want and not want you actually like push it away. Okay. And so I think both the things that we want, and the things that we don’t want, are clues to what we’re meant to be doing here today. Okay. So I think it’s important. And I do also think it’s important that we practice saying no, and deciding, I don’t want to do that. And then follow through because as you continue to do that, your own inner voice, right, your own instincts, your own intuition, your own, like, access to God, and what he wants will become more and more clear.

Jennie Dildine 14:27 So here’s one thing that I want to kind of pay you to pay attention to them. So even though I don’t want to do that can be a clue. And I think it’s really important that we practice, like saying no and not doing things I want you to pay attention to, if I don’t want is coming from fear. Maybe it’s coming from a habit. Or maybe it’s coming from laziness and I don’t mean that It’s like in a derogatory way, I think all of us need to feel lazy or bored. Sometimes I think that’s important too. Because when we’re done doing that, then it propels us forward to something else. So I don’t mean this in like a judgmental laziness way. But I do mean in a way, like, lower brain stuff. Remember how I talk about the lower brain is always trying to seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy. What I’m talking about is the conserve energy part of your brain, where your brain is just like, Ah, this feels hard. I don’t want to write we all have that. We all have that. I just want to say that again. So if you’re on your mission, and you’re just like, oh, I don’t want to go tracting. Right. Ask yourself, is this like a lower brain thing? And my brain just not wanting to do something hard? Or is this really something I don’t want right now? Is this a true want? Like, that’s coming from my heart, that’s coming from what I’m feeling is best for me versus like, my lower brain that’s just like, man, well, you don’t want to. Okay. So pay attention to that.

Jennie Dildine 16:09 Now, this is the part that I want to address is sometimes I feel like, once we’re really good at like, being clear about I don’t want that. I do want that. I don’t want that. Like, over the last couple of days, my husband has been like, what’s your, what’s your day, like tomorrow? What’s on your schedule tomorrow? And I just been like, I don’t want to talk about that right now. And he’s like, Okay, so anyway, I’m actually like, I should mention, right now, because I meant to do this at the beginning of the episode. But today is my anniversary. And my husband is amazing. So shout out to Mike, he is my rock. And he’s always been there for me. And he actually has been super amazing as I’ve gone through, like these different identity shifts of like, figuring out what I want, and what I don’t want. And, and when I say to him, like, I don’t want to talk about my schedule tomorrow. He’s like, okay, and, and he’s just been totally awesome. So I just wanted to sneak that in there since today’s our anniversary. So I love you, honey. And I’m so grateful to have this partnership with him in this life. And for both of us to figure out all of this, like what we want and what we don’t want. So sometimes, though, right? When we get in the habit of like being really clear about what we want and what we don’t want. Sometimes I think it can go too far. So let me give you an example. Like if my youngest daughter, if she’s like, I don’t want to go to young women’s, we first of all have to decide is that like lower brain like, Man, I’m just feeling too lazy, I don’t really want to go.

Jennie Dildine 18:10 And then sometimes we have to be and then the next step is kind of like, well, okay, so it’s actually from my heart, something I’m not really feeling like I want to do that doesn’t feel good today to do that. Right. But then we also don’t want to be completely unaware of how our actions affect other people. And this is where I think willingness comes in. And it can get to the point, right, where we don’t want to do anything. We don’t want to go to the party, we don’t want to go to mutual, we don’t want to go tracting we don’t want to date, we don’t want to do the dishes, right? And it becomes like I had mentioned a little bit earlier, a little bit habitual, for that lower toddler brain. And all of a sudden, we don’t want to do anything. Right. Which again, if you’re in a phase like that, if you’re in a rut, totally fine, like no judgment. But I love this idea of willingness. There are things that we don’t necessarily want to do. But we can be willing to do. So before you just decide, like, I don’t want that. Like if my husband’s like what’s going on with your schedule tomorrow. Maybe instead of being like, I don’t want to talk about my schedule. I could be like, think about it and be like he seems interested and it feels important to him. Maybe I’m willing and we can be willing to do something. Here’s the thing I love about being willing to do something is it give us a choice and ownership over the experience that we’re having. Because instead of feeling like we should do something, or we have to do something, we can be willing to do it. And I think that this may be an I don’t know all the answers. But in my mind, as I was thinking about this, this is what sacrifice is. And I think I’ve shared this example with you on the podcast here before, but when my third son was a, let’s see junior and senior, he played ice hockey and the ice hockey rink is way far away, probably 45 minutes, at least away from here. And we go, we’d watch him practice and watch him have a game. And I didn’t really want to Ryan, if you’re listening, like, I’m sorry, he’s on the spectrum. So he might take this too, literally. But I didn’t really want to sit there in the cold and watch and play hockey. But I was willing to. And when I say I’m willing to, I’m giving myself a choice, I’m choosing to feel cold, I’m choosing to drive all that way, I’m choosing to feel a little bit uncomfortable. And so if you’re having a hard time, just decide if you’re willing, I found this there actually I looked up wheeling in the scriptures. Church of Jesus christ.org And I basically, you know, how you can search like, wheeling, and so I just pulled up scriptures about being willing. And there were actually so many, and I’m sure some of them are coming to your mind right now. But this is the one that kind of stuck out to me is Doctrine and Covenants 6434. Behold, the Lord require the heart. Right. So that’s the emotion and a willing mind. And this is where we just tell ourselves, like, I’m willing, I’m willing to do that. So it was interesting for me to consider the route of willing is well, and I looked up in the fits Rs, that here’s some other synonyms with Will is like, desire, determination, our feelings, our inclinations, our intentions, our mind our power, our resolves our wish, okay. And so, sacrifice, then maybe, is being willing to sacrifice our own desires, our own feelings, our own intentions, our own power, right? And, and allowing ourselves to do something else that maybe we don’t necessarily want to do. So it sounds like this, I’m willing to do the dishes, I’m willing to go tracting I’m willing to go out to dinner. And this is when recently like, I feel like in my early married life, my husband loved date night and going out to dinner every single Friday. And in recent years, I think he’s just realized that that’s not my favorite thing to do. Like, to me, food is just food. And I’d rather be home and comfortable. And let’s just watch a show together. And so some weekends, he’s like, do you want to go out? And I’m like, No, I don’t really want to. But some weekends. He’s like, do you want to go out? And I kind of go inside myself? I search my heart. And I’m like, yeah, yeah, I’m willing to do that. I’m willing to do that. And so what it really comes down to you guys as being willing to sacrifice our comfort, right? We’re willing to feel a little bit like I was saying before, cold or uncomfortable, or a little bit. I don’t know, just out of sorts, or whatever it is, like, picturing myself at the at the hockey rink. Yeah, I’m just willing to fill some stuff that’s a little bit uncomfy.

Jennie Dildine 24:18 Now, a couple of words of warning. willingness, when taken too far, can turn back into people pleasing. Okay. I think if we don’t become aware, and make willingness a choice, then we get into the pattern of just being willing to do everything. And this can become depleting. This is when willingness can turn into have to, this is where resentment can build. And so make sure that if you’re going to try on this tool of just being willing to do something, that it doesn’t go too far that you really continue to take and keep The ownership of I am choosing to sacrifice I am choosing, and I am willing to do this. And it’s not at the expense of like my own self worth, or my own self identity. It it actually, in the long run, when we’re willing, and we do it from a loving place, it actually builds us up. Like, I can come away from the ice hockey rink and be like, I’m proud of me for doing that. I’m glad that I had the opportunity to do that, even though it wasn’t my favorite thing to do. Right are my daughter’s like, it’s summer, and they really aren’t wanting to do a lot of chores, and I can’t blame them. Because, you know, you work, work, work, work school, all week, all year. And then you just want a little bit of downtime. And then we went on that crazy trip, and it was really busy and hot. And we like saw 100 things. And so I’m like, Hey, you guys want to do the dishes? And of course, their answer’s no. Like, I don’t want to do the dishes. And so I just finally was like, Yeah, but are you willing to? Or if there’s a swim party or something? Like I don’t really want to go to that swim party? And I’m like, I know. But are you willing to? Are you willing to go to that swim party because of the way it’s going to affect other people? The because that’s the kind of person that you want to be.

Jennie Dildine 26:27 Now one quick word about wanting for other people. You don’t get to want things for other people. I mean, you can, but be really cautious about this. Three things to remember, other people might not want, what you want. So we were at dinner the other day, our family and we started talking about this trip that we have coming up in a few weeks. And one of my daughters just kind of started feeling a little bit sad and down. And I was like, are you okay? And she’s like, Yeah, and she just kind of wanted to be sad. Now, did I want her to be happy? Yeah, but that’s not my job to want her to be happy. She gets to want what she wants. And in that moment, she wanted to be sad. Okay, second thing, pay attention if you want something for someone, because then you would get to feel better. So when you have thoughts, like, I just want someone to ask me out, okay, because then I would get to believe that I’m desirable, and that people want to be around me, or I just want someone to invite me to a party. Be careful of this, you don’t get to want what you don’t have control over. Which brings me to my third thing. Sometimes what you want for other people is actually I would dare say most often is not within your power or agency. Like examples, like I want them to get baptized. I don’t want my daughter to have panic attacks, I want my son to stay on his mission. I want my daughter to stay in the church, those things are not up to you. So again, a word of warning. And caution is that when we want things for other people, that some of these are actually just expectations, and can cause sort of this resentment, or it can also create a lot of like heartache, and disappointment. And I’m just giving you permission right now to let all of that go. Like we can just want for people what they want. Okay, and if they don’t want, what we think they should want. This is where we can be willing. And we can just be willing to let them choose. And we can be willing to let them think and feel and do what they need to think, feel and do.

Jennie Dildine 29:19 So what all of this boils down to, is really understanding the difference within yourself. Whether you’re preparing for your mission, you’re on your mission, you’re returned from your mission, you’re newly married, understanding the difference between I don’t want to do that. And which is totally fine. You don’t have to do any of it. And then just switching a little bit to willingness which gives you power and gives you choice and how you show up rather than being at the mercy of how everyone else is behaving. It gives you power it gives you choice. It helps you you redefine what your identity is. And again, I think it’s totally fine at first, if you just are like, I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to do that and be really clear. But then, at some point, you may want to dive into what does it look like to be willing to do the dishes, to be willing to go tracting to be willing to show up at a party that maybe you don’t necessarily want to be at? Okay, so give yourself ownership power, rediscover your identity. And I hope that sort of talking through this has helped you sort some of that out. Okay, I hope all of you have the most amazing week again, happy anniversary to me and to my husband, and we’ll talk to you next time.

Jennie Dildine 30:50 Serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can present a unique set of challenges, and many of those challenges you might not even see coming. So you’re gonna want a unique set of solutions. It’s easier than you think to overcome worry and anxiety, serve the successful mission you’ve always dreamed up and navigate your post mission experience with confidence. That is why I created some amazing free goodies that I’m sharing in my show notes. Maybe you want to grab the free training for preparing missionaries, my video course for RMS or maybe you and I should hop on a free strategy call. If you’re ready to take your preparedness to serve or your preparedness to come home to the next level. Then go grab one of those freebies. And in the meantime, no matter which part of the mission experience you are involved in. Just know that Jenny, the LDS mission coach is thinking about you every single day.

Share this post:

Ready to help yourself or your Return Missionary?

Click below to receive 5 Tips you can immediately implement to eliminate the struggle when transitioning home.

Hey! I'm Jennie - The LDS Mission Coach.

Preparing for, serving and coming home from an LDS Mission can present countless changes and transitions. I’ve seen these changes put missionaries at the mercy of their emotions and questioning their abilities. With the tools I teach, young adults empower themselves to navigate every moment of the mission experience with epic, unwavering confidence.

Scroll to Top
For Weekly Inbox Inspiration...

Just enter your information below.

By signing up, you give us permission to email you about our products and services - don't worry, we make it very easy to unsubscribe if it gets to be too much.