58. Making Peace with “Not Enough”

0:00 Hey, what’s up everyone, it’s Jennie Dildine, the LDS mission coach and you are listening to the LDS mission Podcast, episode number 58. Making peace with not enough. I’m Jennie, the LDS mission coach. And whether you’re preparing to serve a mission, currently serving a returned missionary or a missionary mama like me, I created this podcast just for you. Are you searching for epic confidence? Ready to love yourself and to learn the how of doing hard things? Then let’s go. I will help you step powerfully into your potential and never question your purpose. Again. It’s time to embrace yourself. Embrace your mission, embrace your life, and embrace what’s next. Hello, everyone, and welcome to the podcast. Thanks for being here. So by the time this podcast comes out, the wedding will be over and we’re will be so happy to have a new daughter in law. We are so happy for our son, and for his wife, his new wife. We are thrilled for them. Yay for that they met on the mission on his second mission. I shouldn’t say second mission, it was all his same mission. He was in Australia for seven months, came home for five and then went out to New England for the last year of his mission. And that’s why they met. So sometimes I like to say maybe all of the missionaries came home during COVID. Just so these two could meet up. They are awesome together and we’re super thrilled for them. I also by the time this podcast comes out the day it comes out I will be speaking at a big event at the salt palace with a Be bold with Jody Moore. So that’s going to be super fun. I’m teaching on clean parenting, it’s her VIP event for all of her clients that have been in her Be bold membership for six months or longer. I’ve been working in Jodi’s Be bold program for about a year now. Well, it was a year in May. I love rubbing shoulders with all of the people in there. I just adore coaching, because it’s life changing. I just love what I do. And so wish me luck on that. If you’re listening to this podcast, you can send a little, some well wishes my way. I’ve never spoken to a crowd that big before and done a presentation for a crowd of people that big picture. I’ll do more of that in the future. But this will be the biggest that I’ve spoken to yet. So that’ll be fun. Send some well wishes my way, send some nights prayers for calm my way, I would highly appreciate it. Just a reminder that if you want to send this podcast to your missionary that serving, I am now sharing this podcast via Google Drive. So if you’re missionaries out on the mission, and you want to get them some links to this podcast, if you think that it will help them send me an email Jennie with an IE at Jennie dildine.com. And we can get this podcast sent to them. I know a lot of this stuff would really help them. I think today’s episode would really help your missionary a lot. And so I’m excited to be able to share it with you today. As I’ve thought about me speaking at this event, I started kind of considering this thought, I’m not enough. It’s one of these thoughts. When I get on a strategy call either with a preparing missionary or currently serving missionary or return missionary. It’s one of the first things they tell me is they tell me either I think I’m not good enough. Or if they’re a returned missionary, they think I didn’t do enough. Sometimes I hear I haven’t worked out enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not athletic enough. I’m not bold enough. Okay, all of these are versions of the same thought. I’m not enough. There’s a few things you need to know about this sentence. Remember, your brain is going to offer you any sentence it can to shut you down.

4:48 And this sentence, just like every other sentence that our brain offers us is just that. It’s just a sentence. It’s a series Use of symbols with spaces, and a period at the end. What people tell me when they get on those calls, as they think, is they tell me, I just wish I didn’t think this. I shouldn’t think this thought. But what you need to know, and what I want to really help you understand today, everyone thinks this thought. The only people in the world that don’t think about this thought or have this thought, are sociopaths, meaning they don’t have that part of their brain, where they have the ability, or even care to compare themselves to the past, or compare themselves to what they think there’ll be in the future or compare themselves to anyone else at all. They just don’t have that part of their brains. So when someone tells me, I have the thought, I’m not good enough, I’m like, Oh, good. Their brain is working exactly as it should. Your brain uses this sentence, I’m not enough as a tactic to shut you down, to keep you small, to keep you safe to keep you in the cave, and keep you from experiencing any emotional pain or putting yourself out there at all. Here’s the reason that it works, is because when we think we’re not enough, we’re measuring what we lack. We go into scarcity. We go into needing to be different than we are. And when we think about ourselves this way, when we think we’re in scarcity, we actually shut down our bodies actually, and our minds actually go inward and try to protect us. From what could dangerously happen in the future. Here’s what I kind of think is that somehow, when we came to this earth, we were all filled with a little bit of not enoughness. And I think there was a good reason for this, I think is because when we came to this earth, we’ve needed to learn how to rely on our Savior. So when we think I’m not enough, it’s okay. That’s just us kind of remembering or recollecting that there might be something more available to us that we need our Savior to get back home. I had one friend who explained it as the human void, that we all kind of just feel like, we’re not enough. Can you relate to this? Do you know what I’m talking about? So all of us have this thought, I think we were all kind of filled with a little bit of not enoughness, when we came to this earth, our brains are always trying to conserve that energy want to go to scarcity, want to measure where we’re not at. And we can argue with all of that if we want to. But I don’t suggest we argue with it. Because that’s where we run into trouble. When we think I don’t want to think that. Or because I think I’m not a good missionary or I’m not a good enough missionary. Then there’s something wrong with me. Now we have two problems. Now, not only do we think we’re not good enough, but well then we hate ourselves for thinking that z this is where we get into trouble. So let’s just make peace with it. Can we? This is actually the paradox of the universe. Are we enough? Yes, of course. What we’re told is we’re like as precious as Ruby’s, like, we all have individual worth, we all have value. And God loves every single one of his children. And yet, are we enough? kind of not. We’re also told that we’re like the dust of the earth and nowhere close to where God is and nowhere close to perfection.

9:50 That’s why we need a savior. Now, if we swing too far, one way or the other, right if we swing too far to like Not enough, I’m not enough, I’m not good enough. That’s that’s not a great place to be. Because then we feel down, we feel discouraged. We feel overwhelmed, we feel despondent, we feel hopeless. Kate, if we swing all the way over to the other side of the spectrum, where we’re just like, actually, I’m enough all on my own. That’s not a great place to be either. Because we need other people in our lives, we need a savior. So are we enough? Of course? And also, are we enough? The answer is like, No. None of us are. Here’s an example. Did I do enough to prepare my kids to be successful adults, and to succeed and on their missions and to succeed in their marriages and to succeed in their careers? Of course, I did enough. He’ll always be enough. And did I do enough? Answers? Probably not. I probably could have done more. And all of it’s fine. Here’s what’s true. I’m sort of bored with this thought that my brain loves to offer me especially before I do something big, like this big speaking event, or before I go live on a Facebook or before I coach in front of a whole bunch of people. I’m just kind of tired of it. It’s like my brain offers me this thought so much. I just can see it very clearly. For what it is, I’m just bored with it. I’m like, Oh, really? Are you going to try that one again today? What else do you got? That one’s old, I’m bored with that one. If you’re gonna try to shut me down brain, you’re gonna have to come up with something else. I’m just bored with this thought you’re not enough, or you’re not good enough. Or you’re not pretty enough. I’m like, blah, blah, blah, there goes my brain again. My brain offers this thought to me so much. And if your brain offers it to you just know. It’s just your brain. It’s just a tactic. And we can be mad about it and resist it. Or we can be like, Oh, I see brain, I see what you’re up to here. I’m totally on to you. So but here are three skills that I want you to learn when it comes to making peace with not enough. When your brain starts to be like, you’re not enough, you’re not good enough, you’re not a good enough missionary, you didn’t do enough on your mission, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I want you to practice the skill of not letting it land. And what I mean by that is, instead of just actually you be thinking the thought I’m not good enough and believing it. I don’t want you to let it even land. I want you to observe that thought, like I’ve kind of been demonstrating here and say, oh, there it goes. My brain telling me not enough. Okay. Give it your best brain. Not gonna work today. The second thing is develop the skill of using the word. And, and I demonstrated this a little bit for you earlier. Are we enough? Yes, of course. And we’re not. And it’s okay. Did I do enough to prepare my kids to be successful? Yeah. And maybe not use the word and we’re not one or the other. Remember, one of those extremes on either end of those extremes is going to take us to a place we don’t really want to be either self loathing or self righteousness. And then the middle we can use the word and as I’m not enough, and, of course, I’m enough, I’m always enough. And the third thing is using the skill of believing that the atonement did what it said it was going to do.

14:55 You know, what’s actually easiest is to just be like I’m not good enough. And then shut down. That’s easy as for our brains, actually, you know, it’s much harder is to be like, Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe I’m not good enough. But I really believe that the atonement has the enabling power to make it all okay. That takes actual faith. That takes actually believing that Christ did what he said he was going to do. It takes surrendering to the fact that we’re not enough unless we’re yoked with him. But with him, we are enough. It takes a little bit more faith, it takes a little bit more courage to believe that than it does to just be like, Oh, well, I’m not I’m not good enough. Because we have to trust him. We have to believe him. And we have to believe what He said He was going to do. We have to believe that when we have the thought, I’m not a good enough missionary. Is that true? No, not at all. And is it a little bit true? Kinda, sometimes, it might be true. And Christ made up the difference he always does. And he always will. Let’s just make peace with not enoughness you guys. Quit being at war with it. Quit trying to talk yourself out of it, you’re only making things worse. Instead, just learn the skill of not letting it land. You can be like me and be like, what? We’re trying that sentence again today. Give it your best brain not buying it. Number two, use the skill of and are you a successful return? Missionary? Yeah. Are you doing enough? Yes. And maybe not sometimes. And it’s okay, though. And number three, the skill of believing that the atonement did exactly what it said it was going to do. And it’s for you. And it’s for me. So it’s okay. That sometimes we’re not enough. All right, you guys. I hope you have the most amazing week. We will see you next time. Take care. Thanks so much for joining me on the podcast today. Listen, if you are learning a lot from this podcast, and you like what you’re hearing, you will absolutely love hopping on a free strategy call with me. That’s where you and I meet up one on one and talk specifically about what is going on for you. I love teaching young adults the mental and emotional tools that they need to overcome worry and anxiety, serve the successful missions they’ve always dreamed of and navigate there post mission experience with confidence. So go to Jennie dildine.com, and click on the work with me link. I would love to meet you. And I would love to get you some helpful tools and strategies to help you fully embrace whatever is next for you. And in the meantime, no matter which part of the mission experience you are involved in. Just know that Jennie the LDS mission coach is thinking about you every single day.