Jumping back into social situations and dating after your mission can be super uncomfortable. On this episode I’m chatting with my RM client, friend and fellow coach, Caleb Price, all about managing discomfort. I can’t wait for you to learn from all of his ideas and wisdom.
Listen in to Learn:
- Why social situations and dating can be so challenging after your mission
- Actual tools you can use to dig deep and look your discomfort straight in the eye
- How to get out of your own way and create and achieve anything you want in the future
This podcast isn’t just for RMs. It’s for anyone who wants to get better at easing the discomfort of any situation. I know you’ll really enjoy my conversation with Caleb the College Coach
Learn More from Caleb Price –
Podcast – Relatable Thoughts on Apple Podcasts
Podcast – Relatable Thoughts on Spotify
How to Figure Out What You Want Video Course: CLICK HERE
Break Up With Anxiety in College Video Course: CLICK HERE
Learn More from Jennie –
Free Training for Preparing Missionaries: Change Your Mission with this One Tool
Free Video Series: 3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home
Free Guide: 5 Tips to Help Any Returning Missionary
Free Strategy Call: Click Here
Jennie Dildine 0:00 Hey, what’s up everyone, it’s Jennie Dildine, the LDS mission coach, and you are listening to the LDS mission podcast episode number 68. ease the discomfort of post mission dating with Caleb price. Hey, I’m Jennie, the LDS mission coach. And whether you’re preparing to serve a mission, currently serving a returned missionary or a missionary mama like me, I created this podcast just for you. Are you searching for epic confidence? Ready to love yourself and to learn the how of doing hard things? Then let’s go. I will help you step powerfully into your potential and never question your purpose. Again. It’s time to embrace yourself. Embrace your mission, embrace your life, and embrace what’s next. Hey, everybody, and welcome to the podcast. I am so excited to share with you today, a conversation that I had with one of my friends, Caleb Price, who also happens to be one of my clients, who also happens to have completely transformed his life and become a coach himself. The title of this podcast talks about dating. And I hope that you will continue to listen. Even if you’re not dating right now. Even if you have no desire to date right now, the concepts that he and I discuss in here about choosing discomfort in any situation that life has to offer to you will apply to the mission will apply to your job will apply to any sort of social situation and also to dating such good concepts that we discussed in here. I hope you enjoy my conversation with Caleb price. Hey, Caleb, how’s it going?
Caleb Price 2:04 Oh, it’s good. It’s really good.
Jennie Dildine 2:07 Thanks so much for coming on the podcast today.
Caleb Price 2:11 Of course, yeah, I’m super excited. I’m glad to be here. Finally, especially since we’ve known each other for kind of a while now.
Jennie Dildine 2:19 We have known each other for a while. Caleb was originally one of my clients. He came to me a little bit after his mission, I think like two years…
Caleb Price 2:31 Yeah, a couple of years after my mission. Mm hmm.
Jennie Dildine 2:34 wanting some help with a few things. And Caleb, one of the things that I love about Caleb is he is a perfect example of some of the things that I want to be able to talk about today, which is being able to choose some discomfort on purpose, like we’ve been working together a long time now. And Caleb is actually I want him to tell you all the things but he’s actually gone on to become a life coach himself, and do amazing things with his life. But he’s been an awesome example of how to just kind of choose to feel a little bit uncomfortable so that you can achieve what you want to in your life. So we’re gonna wrap all of that up with dating, and with like, social situations when you come home from your mission, all of that good stuff. So, Caleb, I will turn some time over to you tell us a little bit about yourself. I’d like to know if you served a mission. Tell us a little bit about that.
Caleb Price 3:33 Yeah, I’d love to talk. So I’m Caleb, I’m originally from Arizona, and I’m living here now I just graduated actually from Utah State. So Go Aggies, and just started my new job kind of at a tech company that works with satellites. I got my degree in physics and computer science, which I if you’re wondering how that’s related to life coaching. Yeah, same. It’s not at all, not at all. But it’s great. It helps out a lot. I’m actually started my whole journey in I wanted to be a violinist and everything but then I went on a mission I went on a mission right after high school to the great Italy Rome mission, as we call it, and I loved it. I oh my gosh, I would honestly like I still would love to go back. And even like, if they did some sort of mission kind of experience, but you know, they obviously my mission is different now. And it was just an amazing time, a very difficult time and a time where oh my gosh, if I had these life coaching tools I would have it would have been entirely different. Just because even on my mission in high school I was I’m one to struggle with anxiety, when to think a lot so to speak, just like get in my head and just have all these thoughts spinning and wondering is this right? Is this the right person? To talk to is this the right kind of decision. And I think on my mission, I was brought to terms with that a lot because it was kind of on my own. And so it’s just like me against the world. And I guess my companion was there. But I also had anxiety about that.
Jennie Dildine 5:14 Okay, yeah, yeah. So did you find that you had a lot of then struggle on the mission? Or were you mostly able to kind of work through stuff?
Caleb Price 5:24 Yeah. So the, for me, the mission was an amazing opportunity for growth. Yes, of course, there were struggles, there were days where like, you know, I just am crying, I have several voice recordings to my parents were, it’s just like, just crying. And my parents was like, we don’t know what to do. Right? That’s really just part of it. Like, no amount of coaching is going to change that. But I think it could have been different about how I treated myself, and how I love myself how I went about approaching the relationship with me and all of it and recognizing that I was okay, even if it was difficult still.
Jennie Dildine 6:04 Right. I love that so much. I was talking to another person on a pod cast yesterday. And she was like, kind of what’s the, what’s the main takeaway for people who work with you? Before they go on the mission, I just said, one of the main things is if they can learn how to have compassion, and love themselves through the process, through the struggle, their experience will be entirely different than what we see a lot, I think. And what I see a lot is just that judgment for self when we’re struggling, and when we can just like let go of that judgment and be there for us. It’s an entirely different experience.
Caleb Price 6:46 Yes, entire, I mean, that’s like, my whole story, basically, with coaching is, that is the thing that’s transformed is my relationship with myself and dropping that kind of judgment. I mean, because when we first met, I mean, that’s pretty much all I had was self judgment and criticizing everything that was going on after my mission, and just thinking that like, things are not going right, and I kind of ruined my life or life was ruining me or something like that.
Jennie Dildine 7:14 Yeah, just for fun. I Caleb pulled up, you’re kind of I have these intake questions that I give all of my clients, and I don’t remember, I don’t know how much of this you’re gonna remember.
Caleb Price 7:27 I remembered filling it out and being scared. Like, for me, it was like the point where I was like, I, I’m finally going to do this, it was this big turning point. But it was still so scary, to like, answer these questions and be like, Oh, my gosh, I actually feel this.
Jennie Dildine 7:44 Yeah, I was gonna kind of go over a couple of them that this was two years ago. And you guys Caleb has completely, like, totally changed his life. It’s actually pretty amazing. And that’s why it’s so fun. He’s on the podcast today. But I just wanted to read a couple of these. And then I want you to tell us kind of, from this point, how coaching has, like changed you and why you decided to go into coaching and all of that good stuff. So I’m one of the questions if any of y’all hop on a strategy call with me, one of the questions I ask is, why are you interested in coaching? And Caleb, had said, I’ve been struggling with my emotions, specifically with anxiety a lot after returning home from my mission two years ago. And then he said, recently, I broke off a relationship with my girlfriend because I couldn’t help but feel so much anxiety about it. To the point that I was losing focus on everything else in my life. Do you remember that? Oh, yes. Like it was yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. Um, let’s see, I asked like, number four question is, what’s your biggest fear in life and you had said, my biggest fear in life would probably be to be alone, or with the wrong person in my life, or to be so entrapped by my thoughts that I don’t see the happiness right in front of me. Yeah. And I said, What is the thing you most want to change about yourself or your life and you said, I want to change the way I view myself and view others. This is where this comes in what we were just talking about to be able to love myself and love others and not worry about what other people think about me. So good. And then number 10. And the reason it’s so good is because I know you do all of these things now. Number 10. Was Do you believe you are living the life you were meant to live? Why or why not? And you said I don’t think I am. I keep repeating the same pattern of anxiety and mistakes that I’ve had for years. You said I feel like I’m tied to the past. And I’m unsure if I am really living the life I want But what would you I mean, just out of curiosity, what would you say to that past version of yourself now?
Caleb Price 10:08 I’d say, first off, my gosh, I’m so proud that you decided to like, well, I’m so grateful and amazingly proud of how much he was doing, and how truly great that version of me was, like, I just didn’t see it. And also, just to have so much courage to seek for help. And just to understand that, like, that was just, I was in my own way of reaching my own happiness, my own potential, and that everything has been laid out in front of me. And I just simply, it’s just a matter of my brain. Confusing some things, I’m misunderstanding some things, having great intentions, but kind of not helping me in the slightest for what I really want. And me also not understanding what I really just deeply wanted and accepting that and so like, just, I’m just amazed that like, hearing that, and seeing that and being like, yeah, I definitely remember that. But also, I’m like, I’m not that anymore. It’s possible for that to be different in your life.
Jennie Dildine 11:18 Mm hmm. So good. So tell us then what role has coaching played in your life since then?
Caleb Price 11:26 Yeah. I mean, like, from the very first coaching session, always remember just this, it was just like, I laid everything out all that basically, again, and in great detail, and just was like, this is like everything that’s wrong with me, and you’re just like, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just like, it was just this big revelation of change of just like, what if everything that I had been thinking was wrong, was all kind of a lie, just like a misconception, or just me not truly understanding where my worth was. And over the next three, four months of like, deep coaching, I was able to really, I think, pull myself out of it transformed my life, and just in terms of just changing how I thought about myself, allowing myself to feel anxiety and really understanding what that meant. And overall, developing this love for myself and recognizing especially I’ll probably touch on this later is that confidence is just being yourself. And just being who you are deep down and allowing yourself to show up as a human being. And all this grace, all this acceptance is the very thing where I thought it was so opposite to getting me to change is the very thing that got me to change. And that’s where I was like, everyone needs to know about this. Why are no college students talking about this? Why didn’t no young people know about this, because I just it felt like I discovered a secret to life that I just wanted to share with everybody. And, and no one was talking about it, especially among a generation I feel us who are returned, missionaries are preparing to serve missionaries, all this all the US young people, right the most, we needed the most out of everybody, because now is the time for us to change our lives or redefine how we’re going to live our lives. Because I mean, we have the most time for it. And we can have the greatest impact upon the world in that way. And so that’s just how I fell in love with it. And I’m not saying that all of you need to be coaches after just like wanting to get coached. But I just felt this desire in my heart and went after it. And here I am two years later.
Jennie Dildine 13:32 Yeah. So tell us what you’ve done. So you went to the Life Coach School? And then what? What are you doing now? What’s your business? Tell everyone
Caleb Price 13:40 Yeah, so, um, I am, I call myself Caleb, the college coach. So I specifically coached college students who are in the thick of it, especially when it comes to anxiety, perfectionism, those of you who just want to figure out what you want to do in life, that’s the thing that I’m focusing on the most is I hear so many people being like, I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what the right decision is. I’m like, Okay, enough of that, like, I work with you, and just six weeks and transform you and your relationship with yourself where you feel better about yourself, where you have a relationship with anxiety that’s not toxic, that’s actually going to help you produce the results you want in your life. And where you actually kind of love yourself, like a lot more than you do now. And it feels great.
Jennie Dildine 14:29 Yeah. And I, I think people would like, sometimes not understand, like, how to even love yourself. You know what I’m saying? It’s like, they get that they’re like, I know I need to love myself, but I don’t even know how. And that’s one of the things I think that’s awesome about coaching is we teach tools to actually know how to do that how to accept yourself where you are, and how to create the life that you want. How to create that confidence from the inside out. Got it. Right. It’s coaching has changed your life coaching changed my life. Yeah, awesome.
Caleb Price 15:06 It’s amazing. And there are literal steps to getting that literal steps to you don’t know what you’re doing in your life. Great. Let’s figure it out. You don’t know how to love yourself Great. Work with me, let’s figure it out. Like you don’t know what kind of career you want, or you’re scared about the future, or you think there is no future? Great, let’s work together. There are tangible steps in just six weeks, it’ll be entirely different. And I’m just glad I understand people being hesitant about it. I was hesitant for two years after my mission, and I’m so grateful. I just, you know, kind of wish I did it faster. But at the same time, it was the right time for me. So maybe it’s the right time for you is all I’m saying?
Jennie Dildine 15:46 Yeah. I’m just so proud of you, Caleb. It’s so awesome. I get giddy when I every time I talk to Caleb, I’m just you’re doing amazing work in the world. And it’s just so much fun. I love it. Okay, so let’s get to kind of what we were going to chat about today, let’s talk which is, we’re going to kind of talk about dating after the mission, we’re going to talk about maybe social interactions after the mission, because it is something that I hear quite frequently with my returned missionaries is like this kind of social anxiety. I was actually just talking to a client this week, who was like, I went to this pickleball thing, and I didn’t know a lot of the girls there. Have you you like pickleball pickleball. It’s great. I’ve still never played but I should, anyway, but it was just like she was all in her head and worried about what they were going to think. And you know, Up came the anxiety and all of that. So my question for you is, what are some of the reasons that we think that post mission, it’s particularly challenging to jump back into the social situations? And to maybe some dating? Why do we think that’s so hard?
Caleb Price 17:07 Yeah. I mean, it’s really easy for me to talk about because it was really hard for me, like, it was so difficult, I think, and it is difficult for a lot of post missionaries is because it’s an entirely different way of thinking, you know, we go from missionaries thinking there’s this clear objective, we’re trying to bring people onto Christ teaching the gospel, everything is kind of laid out. And then you get home and you’re like, Okay, do what you want. Make your life. Good. But yeah, it sounds amazing, all this opportunity. But you’re just with that missionary mindset of like, there’s a clear objective, there’s a right choice, there is something that’s the best, it’s so easy to get in your head. What about what are the right social situations to be in? And also, what is the right way to show up in that kind of social situation? Especially when we might go into these thinking, well, this might be where I need my future person, basically. to, oh, my gosh, that was me. Because I was just like, I’d be in this and be like, let me like, scout the opportunities that are available to me. And you’re just like, but now I’m thinking about people as numbers, or people as like, oh, you could be a potential investigator. Yeah. So it’s that same mindset of like, you could help me accomplish something. So I’m gonna look for you. And so we’re analyzing in our head, we’re doing what our brain loves, which is analyzing, thinking, but when we pull ourselves, not, we’re not in the present. When we do that, we aren’t able to one be ourselves, and to be confident about who we are, and just be in the moment of not knowing so like in this pickleball example, like, it’s really easy to think, I don’t know, pickleball I don’t know these people like, I should be scared, I should be stressed. What if someone says something about me? What are people thinking about me? Or what if I do something that affects my chances with the person and and then we just get into our head and start over analyzing simply because we have a good desire, we want, you know, either an eternal companion in the future, or we just want friends because we’re in a new age, we want connection, the great thing that we want, it’s just that in our desire for that we think we have to be different or we think we have to make the right kind of choice.
Jennie Dildine 19:35 Right? And that makes a lot of sense because I on the mission. Everything really does tend to be sort of black and white. Like these are the rules. We must obey them. And so then to kind of go from to kind of bring that mindset along like is super interesting. What you were saying like, what’s the right conversation? What’s the right social situation? What’s the right person to ask out, I can see that for sure. And then the other thing that you brought up, which I had talked to this RM client about this week, as I said, What do you think is different between cuz she talked to people on the mission very easily. It was, like, easy for her to do. And she said, what you said, which was I had an objective, there was something I was working towards, there was some kind of goal in the future that I was pointing people towards moving people towards. And she’s like, I don’t know what that is now. Right? Yeah.
Caleb Price 20:38 And you’re just like, well, what is the objective and I think this is something that we really worked on recently, I just had an experience. So I’m new to where I’m moving. And I was also concerned about this, it was kind of like a restart kind of like a refresh of like, what kind of happened after the mission. I didn’t know anyone going into college. And so it was sort of like, I gotta figure it out. I gotta find people to hang out with, I gotta, I want connection. I don’t want to just be alone. And, and so coming into Tucson, it was kind of similar. I’m not I don’t know anybody. But there’s a ward here. And so there was this pool party coming up. And I was like, Okay, I’m gonna go to this. And I’m going to make friends. But I was super nervous about it. Because, I mean, it’s, it’s sometimes hard for me to talk to people, or I get in my head about what’s the right way to talk to people? How am I going to find friends? Are people going to like me? Just like, of course, we’re thinking that like, of course, we want people to like us. And so what really stood out to me when we coached on it was just showing up anyway, this concept of like, yes, it’s going to be uncomfortable. At some points, okay. At some points, it’s probably going to be awesome, you’re going to have some great conversations, you’re gonna meet some people all with this reframe of objective of let’s just be present. Hmm. It’s kind of like the objective now is like, and I think it really does work with missionaries to the goal is to be present, because then the Holy Spirit’s gonna come in. And instead of being in our head and thinking about what do we want to say next? It’s the same with friends. It’s, the connection is going to come with, are we just, in the moment being ourselves and yeah, maybe we’re gonna say something kind of stupid. And people are gonna be like, That was weird. And you’re just gonna be like, yep. Okay. It was weird. I’m sorry. But like, that’s okay. Like, yeah, and this is the like, I would never have come to this moment of giving myself such acceptance of just being purely who I am without understanding the thoughts behind what, you know, fuels me understanding that acceptance, and just simply showing up is going to be far better for myself than judging myself forcing myself to not be who I am. Because then I’m not genuine with others. And I’m also not enjoying who I am with myself, and I have to create this fake persona. We don’t want that. Yeah, it’s not gonna get us what we want.
Jennie Dildine 23:06 Totally. And I think you and I have talked about this before is this. Like, when we show up in authentic, that’s what we attract is people who are inauthentic. And so what’s exactly what you’re saying is like, what’s far better is to be like, here I am. I’m a mess. And I’m awesome, too. We attract that kind of person to us, instead of someone who is also inauthentic.
Caleb Price 23:30 Yes. And I love this concept that you will truly attract who you show up as, and so that’s and that’s really what defined well, social situations, but also dating is that not to say that the people I dated were wrong. It’s just that I felt like something was wrong. Because I wasn’t being true to who I was. I always felt like, I don’t know if this is right, because I wasn’t being right with me. And so all this doubt and confusion and anxiety would come in because, well, I just wasn’t being true to myself. I wasn’t recognizing what I wanted deep down. And I also was kind of ashamed of what I wanted deep down and, and I think that can happen a lot to is when you go to new situations, or you’re going to ask someone on a date. It can be really difficult to just be like, oh, here I am. And then someone say nah, like, I’m good. Not to say it’s gonna be like that, but that might happen or Yeah, someone’s gonna say, You know what? I’m good. I don’t want to go on a date with you or I don’t. I’m good. I don’t really want to hang out with you. And that only hurts you. If you think that something’s wrong with you. If you think that that shouldn’t have happened. Yes, it’s okay for her to like, hurt. Like, it’d be like, yeah, like, of course it’s gonna hurt. That can. Yeah, like that kind of sucks, but also, you can reframe it and be like, well Like, I love what you’ve talked about with me is that like, Okay, I’m just not there flavor of ice cream. I’m not. I just but like, there are lots of flavors of ice cream and people, all people like, like, at least some of the flavors and so eventually, you’re gonna find someone who likes who you are. And that’s going to be so much better than pretending to not be who you are.
Jennie Dildine 25:23 100% so good. What would you like? What advice would you have for someone coming home from the mission? Did you did you date right away? Did you feel kind of this pressure to find the one and? And what do you have any advice about? Like, how to know if you’re ready to jump back into dating?
Caleb Price 25:45 Yes, I first off, it’s more of a funny example. Okay, um, don’t. Don’t go on a first date to the Tabernacle Choir because that was my first day after my mission. I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea. I asked this girl who I kind of knew. And we just sat there watching the Tabernacle Choir. I almost fell asleep. It was just
Jennie Dildine 26:12 Like the spirits gonna be there. Yeah.
Caleb Price 26:17 This is gonna be a really like, holy date. I guess.
Jennie Dildine 26:20 That’s hilarious. I love it.
Caleb Price 26:23 Literally, yeah, first date after and so one, I would say it’s okay. If you’re awkward, you’re still figuring things out? Like, it’s just kind of go for it. And so, for me what, the way that I’ve always known, I think now whether I’m like, ready for it or not, is just simply like, is this something that I just want? Not because, oh, I’m gonna, it’s gonna be better because I found someone today, or it’s gonna be like, in even I’m going to enjoy my life more if I find like a girlfriend, myself. If I just wanted to show up and be like, You know what, I think it’d be nice to meet some people to have some fun to really push myself because it is going to be not going to say it’s not going to be uncomfortable. We don’t want to wait until we think like, oh, like, I should wait until dating is going to be comfortable again. Because yes, that’s not gonna happen. Yeah. It never happens. It’s always gonna have an A level of discomfort. It’s just when you think, you know what I’d rather face the discomfort of maybe being a little awkward, having some conversations with people having myself be vulnerable. That’s kind of uncomfortable. But am I willing to do that versus the discomfort of maybe just being by myself at home and or listening to my anxiety thinking, I’m not good enough for this. Like, I think for me, the way that’s really what’s really helped me is just being in tune with myself, and just asking myself what it is that I want, without listening to anxiety or fear about what might happen, or what is the right decision and just being like, I’m just gonna go with my gut. And eventually, that’ll lead me in the right direction. And I’ll feel it around again.
Jennie Dildine 28:23 Yeah, and so good. And just being willing to choose the discomfort that’s gonna move you forward towards what you want. And, and you and I have seen a couple of your breakups even over the time that we’ve worked together, and, and that’s all part of it. But we have to be willing to feel those uncomfy feelings, and know that that’s going to be part of it and keep moving towards what we want.
Caleb Price 28:53 Exactly, I think, yeah. And in dating, after the mission, I felt the most feelings or I’ve had to confront myself with my feelings and let myself experience them. And not tell myself I was wrong for you know, experiencing fear and having a conversation with someone to say, hey, I don’t think this is the right relationship for me. And the fear of then being like, well, now I’m single again, maybe I’ve also I’ve screwed it up. Okay, like, I’m allowed to have this kind of experience. And then it’s always been like you said, I love that kind of analogy of like, always stepping forward. It’s always this. Even if we’re falling, we’re kind of generally going towards whatever it is that we want. And whenever we go towards what we want, we’re never going to go quote unquote, wrong. You can’t go wrong with your decisions, but is it what you want in your life? That’s the only question that really matters.
Jennie Dildine 29:52 Yeah, and sometimes it’s it’s fair to point out too that sometimes what you want changes. Oh, yeah. Like I remember one And the one girl you are dating and you’re like, I don’t know if I want this and is she the one for like the future? Is she the one I’m going to end up with? And, and it was sort of like, well, what do you want today? And you’re like, Okay, well, I kind of do want to be with her today. And then tomorrow, we can ask again like, Okay, what do we want today? Instead of like, going so far into the future, like, this is the be all end all or whatever?
Caleb Price 30:25 Yeah, I think that really, like, helps for a lot of you guys that, you know, might struggle with, like, committing to a relationship, because that was a huge struggle for me, is this idea of bringing everything again to the present to the now and really getting specific for what a relationship is. So like, if we’re talking about dating, and let’s say you go on a couple dates with a person or even before that you’re like, I don’t know, if I should go on a date with this person. They’re the Relief Society president, what if it goes wrong? Like, these are the thoughts that I’ve had? Okay? And because you’re like, it could blow up and just like, be a mess. And you’re like, okay, hold on, like, first off, we haven’t even started dating. Second off, we don’t even know if we’re gonna break up if we started dating. So like, really, it’s just about taking steps? What is it that I want now? And so if you’re like, I kind of want to go on this date? Great. Let’s go for it. You go on the date. And then after the date, you can kind of evaluate how do I feel about it? Would I like to just spend more time with this person? Yes, no, these are the questions to ask. And you can just steadily increase that. Do I want to spend more time with this person? Do I want to just say that, like, you know, kind of like, eliminate my other options and single myself off with this person? Do I want to continue to spend more time with this person? Or not? And for me, like, I mean, like you’ve experienced, I’ve been into relationships since we started coaching and like, and I’ve been through the ups and downs. And I think what really changed for me, especially this last breakup that I had, was that I just simply asked myself what it is that I want. And I thought it was pretty much everything until reached a point where I was like, You know what, I don’t think that’s what I want. And it was still really hard to accept that truth. But I had to recognize that like, that is deep down what I wanted. And what I felt like was the best thing and you can’t go wrong. When you just trust your heart, trust the Spirit, because like, that’s the thing that’s right for you. Even if it’s really hard for you to understand, like, and you have a lot of anxiety about it, it’s still going to be the best thing for both of you, I should emphasize.
Jennie Dildine 32:41 Yeah, I like the idea that our wants and our desires are kind of a something that draws us towards what our what we’re meant to be or what our life is supposed to be or what the possibility of what we could create in our life. And so yeah, if that want changes, I think totally just listen to that and kind of follow your gut like you’re saying and and, like, check inside and inside and decide what it is you want.
Caleb Price 33:16 Yeah, totally. Awesome.
Jennie Dildine 33:19 So Caleb, I want to kind of dig a little bit deeper into this idea of choosing discomfort. Okay, what are some of the areas that you’ve seen this show up? In social situations, we kind of talked about, you know, when you went to that pool party, maybe we could get a little bit more specific about like, what did that actually look like? Or feel like before, during and after the pool party? Or maybe some other, you know, dating examples? Do you have anything you can share? That would be a little bit more tangible for people to understand what this looks like to choose your discomfort?
Caleb Price 33:57 Yeah, so let’s talk about that social situation first. So I remember beforehand, even before we were getting coached, I was like, This is what I want. But I just had this ultimate idea that like, I don’t know, like, it wasn’t going to work out, or like things are gonna go badly or like, kind of just this concept that I was just going to kind of be alone and not talk to anybody. And like that was going to suck. It was not going to be fun. Yeah. And I think what really helped when we get this idea of discomfort is that I just kind of chose and said, Yeah, like, what if that does all happen? Am I okay with feeling those feelings? Because, first off, it’s a worst case scenario, your brains gonna come up with that, like, there’s a great chance. Not all of that is going to happen, but there is a chance that that might happen. Am I willing to experience that sense of discomfort? Am I willing to kind of stand alone for a little bit Am I I’m willing to not know what to say, in certain situations, am I willing for someone to ask me a question? And I’m just like, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Like, or am I willing to say some kind of silly things or kind of be the odd one out of a group? Like, am I willing to go through that kind of experience to get what I want? Because that’s the thing is, is that we think that people don’t want to hang out with like, you know, lonely people, awkward people. Meanwhile, all of them are thinking the same things about themselves. People don’t want to hang out with me, I gotta show up a certain way. No one is thinking about you. They’re thinking about themselves and making sure that they’re okay in the situation. And so, what really helped is that like, in the moment of the party, I remember showing up, I remember, like, I’m just like, gonna just walk in walking in kind of late, because I was like, Okay, I’ll plan to be late, people. And I walked in, and I was just like, okay, like, I don’t really know anybody, but then I saw someone I knew. So I was like, Okay, I’m gonna go talk to them, talk to them for a little bit. And then I was just kind of like, you know what, like, this is going to be really uncomfortable. But I’m just going to talk to this random person that’s standing by themselves. They might want someone to talk to like, who knows? And really just looking forward to like, what if this is going to lead to something amazing? Or what if this is going to lead to something really cool, because I find that the more things that you kind of are uncomfortable about in the beginning, more something kind of amazing is on the other side of it.
Jennie Dildine 36:37 I love that. I love to think about it that way. Yeah.
Caleb Price 36:41 So I just like, started talking to some people. And then eventually it got to a friend group. And then I was in the pool. And it was like, Okay, this is kind of awkward, because like everyone’s playing basketball, and I kind of don’t see myself as a sports person. And I’m like, oh, like, I don’t know. So those thoughts were kind of coming in, but I’m just like, it’s okay. Like, it’s okay, if I kind of stand awkwardly, or I’m not participating, I can just observe. And then eventually, they’re like, Hey, you want to play and I was just like, I guess I want to play, like, just throw myself in there. And I turned out to be a very valuable player. I was just like, really valuable player.
Jennie Dildine 37:15 Yeah.
Caleb Price 37:18 I did really good. And so and that really, like, served as the foundation for several the friendships that I have. Now I got invited to a party later that night. And you out there might thinking, well, this is kind of like, I don’t know, vain or selfish to like, worry about or think about, but it’s what we care about. We care about connection. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel connected with more and more people. So don’t judge yourself for thinking like I would like to connect to people I would like to not, you know, like to really overcome my awkwardness or my anxiety or whatnot, it’s totally available. But for me, what’s worked the most is really just letting myself show up as I am like, I don’t have to get super excited. I don’t have to be obsessed with all the trends that younger, I guess, like, fellow people are into, like, I don’t have to be into the same kind of things, but I can still be friends with them. I can still associate with them. And, and, and really have an amazing time. And I had an amazing time, way better time than I thought. And I think that’s also indicative that your brain will also always say, Yeah, we shouldn’t go. Because even if we feel a little discomfort, you’re like, that’s not worth it. I felt quite a bit of discomfort and the awkwardness and yet at the end of it, I was like, I’m so glad I went
Jennie Dildine 38:44 Mm hmm. Can you kind of like share a couple of like, brain hacks, right, like you and I both know, and I talk a lot about this on the podcast is this, that lower brain that’s trying to prevent us from feeling any discomfort at all. It’s the one that says we probably shouldn’t go. And then you get there and you’re like apcom all the thoughts, creating all those uncomfortable feelings. Can you kind of describe to people like what some of those thoughts were and then how you kind of talk back to your brain? And how it works sometimes, and then what do we do with the emotion in that moment?
Caleb Price 39:23 I think in the moment, one of the great neutralizers that I have is that like I’ll start worrying about like what’s gonna happen or we shouldn’t do this, or just really a lot of judgment and criticism that your brain is going to offer to you because it wants to keep you safe. And so one of the greatest kind of like, I guess you could say thought hacks or whatnot that I’ve used is that you just have to communicate to your brain that you got yourself that like hey, like it’s okay like, I am aware fully that like we are kind of going to a quote unquote dangerous situation because All right, my brain calls these social situations are dating. Like, it’s dangerous. Like, we’re gonna feel feelings like super dangerous. All right, right. And so it requires me on my part to own up to it. And just be like, Yeah, I actually am fully aware that it’s dangerous. And then my brain kind of like is like, Oh, okay. And I explained like, hey, like, it’s okay for me to feel this way. It’s okay for me to not kind of want to go because I don’t want to feel these feelings. But in the end, here’s another thing is that whenever you don’t want to do something, but you kind of do. Like, there’s a part of you that’s like, I don’t want to do it. But you’re like, deep down, you’re like, Yeah, this is what I want to do. Like, the easiest way is to kind of just reframe it and just be like, it’s okay for me to not want this. But I’m still going to do it anyway. Because I know deep down, I know, future me is going to be grateful that I did this that you weren’t I put myself out there that I put myself in the party that I asked this person on a date, even if it didn’t go well, because these sorts of steps always are helping in my becoming of who I truly want to be in the end,
Jennie Dildine 41:13 huh? Yeah, so good. So it’s just this idea of like, when our brain comes online and starts, like freaking out about stuff, is we’re like, listen, brain, I got you, I got me. Yeah, we’re gonna feel some stuff. It’s gonna be okay, kind of a situation.
Caleb Price 41:30 Yeah. And I think also always reminding yourself that like, of what the facts, like the facts, were like, We’re gonna walk into a pool party, there’s going to be several other young people, there will be food there will like to get very basic with it. And so then your brain also registers, like, I guess, like, I guess it’s not that bad. Totally. Like, you don’t have to diminish your experience, it’s okay for you to feel anxiety about that kind of thing. We’re not doing that. But a lot of times, your brain will make it to this extreme big thing. And then you’re gonna, like, actually think about it and be like, it’s just a date, like, like, that’s okay.
Jennie Dildine 42:13 Yeah, I was actually talking to one of my RM clients. And we were kind of talking about, he was saying that he was unique, because at work, he was feeling like a lot of anxiety, and he shouldn’t feel that anxiety. And I think that some people often think that the other people at the party or at work or on the date that the other person is, like, if they come off confident, let’s say that they’re not experiencing those emotions. But one of my favorite quotes, I believe, it’s from Brooke Castillo and I, who founded the Life Coach School, where Caleb and I got trained. And I might mess up it entirely. But she said, the amount of success that you experience in your life, whether that be dating or job or otherwise, is directly proportional to the amount of discomfort you’re willing to feel. And so I think we look at people who seem successful, and we’re like, well, they never feel uncomfortable, or they never feel insecure, or they never feel anxious. But what’s actually true is those people feel the same emotions that you and I feel, they just know how to manage it and keep going and choose their that discomfort on purpose to get them where they want to go.
Caleb Price 43:35 Right? A lot of people are often surprised when they hear that, like, I get anxiety talking to people, because they’re like, You talk to people literally all the time, right? And I’m just like, Yeah, but I still just choose to show up, I still choose to just be like, it’s okay. Because, like, be having anxiety does not negate me from being confident, or from showing up from being successful. It doesn’t negate any of that. It’s we think, oftentimes you’re like, if I have this, then therefore, like, I’m not I don’t qualify, I’m not worthy of these blessings. Like I gotta fix it. Sure. When in reality, just like you said, actually, the more that you experience anxiety, and you can learn to embrace it, and still go for it. Like, you’re gonna have way more success that way.
Jennie Dildine 44:23 Mm hmm. Yeah, so good. So let’s say you’ve chosen the discomfort of going out on a date, you’re like, Okay, I’m gonna ask this girl out, we’re gonna go on this date. She says yes. And then as we’re kind of leading up to the day, like your brain comes online, it’s like, what’s she gonna think of you? You know? I mean, if it would be like me is like, no one cares about you. Like, you’re kind of ridiculous. Right? But tell me, right. So do you have any kind of like, go to thoughts as you’re headed into that day? A to kind of settle your brain down or anything like that.
Caleb Price 45:04 Yeah, I think just to kind of like put things into perspective, my brain usually jumps to either like the wave future, or it jumps to the past doesn’t jump to this moment, it’s the going to the past, because it’s like, Hey, you remember all those past dates you’re on, or all those other relationships, they didn’t work out. And so you shouldn’t even try because this isn’t going to work out. Or like, you don’t even know if you like this person, what if you end up not liking this person? Or what if she doesn’t like you? And then it goes to the future? But like, what if this is it? And what if I mess it up? And I say something, and this is the person so you can get yourself? I’m gonna, I’m already getting myself worked out talking about that, right? It’s like, oh, my gosh. So I think the best way is very similar to what we’re talking about before is just to break down what it is that you’re actually going to do. Like, hey, brain, like, what we’re doing is we’re going to get ice cream, we’re gonna go only I don’t know, some cool day. We’re just gonna go have fun. I think that’s one of the greatest things that’s helped. Is that, like, it’s not, it’s to not make the date mean anything. Okay, yeah, like to associate this idea that, like, this date, means we’re either gonna, like, make it, we’re going to the end, we’re gonna, like, get sealed to each other. Right? Or it means I’m terrible. Like, right. And we make that idea of like, how this date, like the result of it means something about us. But it’s fascinating, because we determine what that means. And so I think some wonderful thoughts is just settle the score with yourself and be like, okay, brain, like, I’m gonna hear the rules. And we’re not gonna think about them during the day. But we’ll evaluate afterward, I worked on this with the client. And I think it’s fantastic. And I want to, like, tell everybody about it, is this idea of like, dissociating from your brain until like, after the moment. So this idea of like, okay, brain, like, I’m gonna go on this date. And it’s going to be great, I’m going to be present, like, I’m going into it looking for an opportunity to have fun and just talk to someone and get to know them better. That’s it, I’m gonna go in for that. And then afterwards, we can talk, we can have a conversation about like, oh my gosh, I freaked out, or oh my gosh, like, it was really awkward at this one part, or oh my gosh, like, that was actually really kind of good. And like, then we can worry about it. But in the moment, it’s just gonna be me, you’re gonna probably be yelling things at me, or things, but I’m gonna be like, sorry, you’re gonna have to wait till afterwards like, like, Now is my time. I’ve reserved your time for afterward. Cool. I like it. Yeah. And so it’s just this idea that like, because I what I found the most is that the date is so much better. When you’re present. And you just go with the flow. You’re just like, I’m really enjoying this moment with you. Or you’re like, you know, maybe it’s not necessarily as enjoyable as you thought. But you’re still getting to know another human being. And that’s never a waste of time. In my opinion, that’s a great that is like, it’s never a waste. Never waste on you or her. You’re always growing, you’re learning. And it’s an opportunity for you to just be yourself to just be like, This is who I am. I want to present myself to you. And who are you? I’d love to know more about you. Not any of this like, Oh, what are they going to think about me? Or like, what if this is it? Like how do I know I feel? Am I feeling anything? And I I always ask myself that? Am I am I feeling it? Is she the 1am I feeling the feeling? It’s like it’s first day I calm down?
Jennie Dildine 48:59 Yeah, the thing that I noticed that’s interesting about Caleb, Caleb, when you describe it this way, is when your brain is going to the past and the future. And when you described it to me, it was a list of questions, which our brain loves to ask questions. And so I love this idea of like, we’re gonna settle down the questions about the future and the settle down the questions about the past. And we’re just like, we’re going to just be super present. And, and think about what is right now not ask any questions, and then telling our brains like, Yeah, we could think about that later. Or evaluate that later. But right now, I’m going to be right here. But what do you do like? Because I know that this happens, right? As you’re like having a conversation and your brain will be like this. Wants to like run off. How do you what what’s one of your tactics to like, bring it back to like, yeah, this present moment.
Caleb Price 49:54 So recently, I just discovered this fascinating idea, I think is that our brain loves to operate in the subcon hunches, so it likes to just be like, do things subconsciously. So that we have more time to think and more time for those thoughts to come in. But what I’ve recently recognized is that if breathing is one of the most subconscious things, and we can make our breath conscious, we take a deep breath and those moments, maybe not super deep, where it’s like, your day, it’s like, what was that? But like, happening? Yeah, but just to like, kind of bring yourself back to the moment it kind of restores your senses to like, it’s actually okay. And that things are gonna work out. And so that’s one thing. And then also, I’d say, like, just to your brain is like, your brain can say whatever it wants. It’s just to communicate to it, you know, subtly, like in your head like, it’s okay. Like, it’s okay that you’re doing this right now. Like, that’s what you’re designed to do. You’re there to protect me. So like, Thanks, brain. Thanks for warning me. I think that’s actually a great tool is just to be like, yeah, thanks for helping me right now. I got it. Like, you know, like, I just said, a bad joke. Like, it’s fine. Like,
Jennie Dildine 51:06 like, like, super awkward right now.
Caleb Price 51:09 Totally fine. I’m still here. And that doesn’t mean anything like that the dates are bad, or went Brad, or I’m wrong, or I did something wrong. No, it just No. Okay, maybe I wouldn’t have done that moment again. But like, now I know.
Jennie Dildine 51:26 So I think a lot of people kind of, at least asked me this question. And I’m sure you get this question a lot is like, what’s the line between, like, trying to get our head in the right place and getting our thoughts aligned? Like trying to get that in the right place? Versus just like, I’m just gonna feel super uncomfortable. Hmm. Like, like, some people will ask me like, when is it too much anxiety or too much discomfort or too much? Even if we got into other emotions, probably, like, with breakups and stuff. Like, when is it too much sadness? Like, how do I know when to switch my thought? And like, try to feel something different in this moment, on this date, or in this social situation? And when to actually just feel the super awkwardness?
Caleb Price 52:20 Yeah, that’s a fantastic question. And I think for me, the way it’s worked in my life, and the way I’ve seen it work for my clients is that it’s really just going to come down to what feels like the right thing. Like for me, like, if I try to change my thoughts, and I’m still kind of like, I don’t feel good still, then I’m like, Okay, I think I need to feel my feelings, or I need to trust myself, I think that was a big thing is that it’s really easy to think, Oh, if I can just change my thoughts, then like, I can just make everything you know, right as rain. Yeah, it’s just like, super easy, and like, everything’s great. And I won’t have any bad feelings. Like that’s not the truth. And I think it’s important to just recognize that like, yeah, like, there will be opportunities to change your thoughts. But I always start out with my clients, when they come with a problem, or I start myself out with a problem, just being like, it’s okay. Like, I can have this kind of experience, like, I am perfectly allowed, like, it’s really easy to be like, Oh, I shouldn’t be depressed, or I shouldn’t be frustrated, or I shouldn’t be broken up after a breakup, because I’m the one who broke up with the person. Like, that’s the thing. That’s stupid. Why would I do that? Like, I can just change my thoughts about it. I’m the one who did this. But that kind of thinking gets us nowhere. Whenever you want are prone to judge how you are feeling you’re not ready to tackle the thoughts yet you, it really is just a matter of you have to kind of just remind yourself, it’s okay. So I guess you kind of do change the thought a little bit, but it’s more just about accepting that like a warm blanket, like, all these thoughts are happening, all these feelings are happening, and you just surround it and you’re like, it’s okay. This experience right now, I’m just gonna go deep into my body, and I’m just gonna feel it. Mm hmm. And then there will come a moment when and you’ll just feel you’re ready. I think you’ll just feel like you know what, like, maybe there is a different way. Maybe there’s a different light, I can look at it and I can kind of inch my way up to the place that I eventually want to be.
Jennie Dildine 54:30 Good. Yeah, so good. When, you know, I think you teach this too. But when we resist the thought or resist the feeling, it just gets stronger when we try to argue with it. And so I love this idea of just like, Okay, this is part of the experience, too. I guess let’s do that. Yeah, you just gotta let it in. Let it in. So good. Okay, so let’s talk about breakups. Yeah. Any wisdom at all? what you can offer here?
Caleb Price 55:02 Well, I think one of the greatest comforts that you can give yourself is a thought like that the breakup is honestly going to be the best thing for both of you, not just for you, because I think a lot of us come down to a breakup, or at least I did, with a lot of fear, I had more fear about like, how they were going to feel and all of it because I was the one initiating it. And I feel like a lot of people do where they’re like, I just don’t want them to get hurt, which is such a noble and wonderful thing. But deep down, just like you were just saying, it’s not authentic. It’s not authentic and honest, to keep someone with us, when we know deep down, it’s not what we want. And it has nothing to do with them. They are an amazing, wonderful human being who is going to find another amazing, wonderful human being, it’s just not with you. And while that’s true, that is still a harsh reality to overcome. Your brain literally, like imagines a future with this person and creates a space with this person. And then pretty soon, you are just like, nope, like you change that. And it’s hard for you and your brain to like, reconcile with that. Mm hmm. And so I think one of the greatest tips that I have is just to honestly let the experience like let you move through the experience.
Jennie Dildine 56:28 What do you like that?
Caleb Price 56:29 What I mean is like this idea that like to not resist, when you have like, really down days to not tell yourself, you shouldn’t feel a certain way. When your family and your friends come over. And they’re like, they weren’t even that good for you anyway, that’s going to hurt, because you’re going to be like, well, was I stupid? And making that decision? Or like, what did you really think about this person, all those emotions are going to come up. And so I think it’s about reminding yourself over and over again, when the moments are right, when you’re ready to kind of recognize it, yeah, that this decision is going to be the best thing for both of you, always, you’re going to feel better from it in the end. And to also, I would say, not go back on the decision. Because I think a lot of us like to be like, Oh, this hurts so much. Like maybe there’s a way we can like, be in a wiggle room where we’re like, we’re kind of friends, and we kind of see each other and like, it’s as if nothing has changed. We don’t like the thing to change, because we’re so attached to it. And it honestly is we have to just kind of accept like it’s going to hurt that this attachment is going to hurt us. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s not bad that you’re hurting. And it’s not, you didn’t make the wrong choice. Even if you want to go back I think as well. Because I mean, I’ve had moments where like, my heart would be like, well, maybe we should go back or like maybe I should take that person back. It’s probably going to happen, you’re going to have those thoughts. But you just have to ask yourself deep down like what do you really believe? In, you know, your heart of hearts? What do you really believe is going to be the best for you? And then honor that?
Jennie Dildine 58:11 Okay? What if you’re the one that’s like getting dumped? Like, what if you’re the one that someone comes to you and says, Hey, this just isn’t for me anymore. Like, I just feel like there’s so much like scarcity around like, and I’ve talked to clients, particularly girls who are worried that and they even live in fear about this with their boyfriends that are even like maybe it’s like, someone they’re dating before their mission, and they’re like terrified that this guy is not going to be around when they get home and that they’re gonna get dumped. And it’s just so much fear and scarcity. So I don’t know, if you have any thoughts about this, I think, you know, kind of, like we’ve been saying is like, well, we got to choose our discomfort meaning, like if we’re going to be in relationship to someone, this is a potential risk is feeling this discomfort if they dump you, or, you know, so I don’t know, what do you what would you say to someone as a coach, or just as a friend who’s someone’s just like, Yeah, my boyfriend just dumped me or my girlfriend just dumped me.
Caleb Price 59:29 Yeah. And I honestly probably comfort him in that moment. But when they were ready, I think it’s really easy in those kind of breakup moments to think like that was it? I’m never gonna find someone or it’s too late. My time’s too late. I’m running out of time, like you were saying a lot of the scarcity thoughts, or even the scarcity of like, I’m never going to feel that way again. I think that’s a really scary thing in a relationship or when you lose a relationship is that I’m never going to get that again. And I Really, it’s just about recognizing like you might not be able to in that moment, but eventually, it’s about warming yourself up and saying that, like you are deserving of everything, and that it’s entirely possible to have that kind of reality again. And then, in fact, those scarcity thoughts, if we stay in that moment, that’s honestly what we’re gonna get. Unfortunately, that’s why most people who are kind of bitter when it comes to a breakup or something like that, they stay bitter, because that’s all they’re starting to see is that there’s no, there’s no growth, there’s no opportunity, or they’re always looking to the past and saying, like, Well, I had it, even though there’s this wonderful person in front of me that might be good with like, I don’t know, and lean into that fear again. So it’s kind of just about embracing the discomfort. opening yourself up to vulnerability again, like, my metaphor that you’ve given me is that it’s like, you are a ship in the ocean. And you just went to an island, and you found out after, you know, maybe a year of digging, that there is no treasure on this island. Or they kick you out, for some reason, where we’re whoever you are, in this metaphor. And so you’re like, well shoot, like, now, what am I gonna do? And so we just kind of like, we kind of just stay in the water, we’re just like, Well, I’m just gonna stay stuck. Like, I’m never gonna find another island. Again, I’m never going to have that again. But in all reality, one, we didn’t get what we wanted. We’re never going to get what we truly wanted. What if there’s something even better out there? And the only way that you’re gonna get it is by, you know, raising the sale, and putting yourself out there again, and looking for that island, because I guarantee it 100% There is someone out there, there is an island out there, I’m still looking for mine. And it’s just a matter of, we can’t stop exploring just because we think, Oh, I missed it. Because that was never going to be it. We can’t go back in the past and change that. Mm hmm. And so we might as well look to the future and say, Okay, that was a necessary step on the path. That’s just as like, this is my step like, this is my journey. And that journey brings some lows. But now I’m going on to the next part of the journey, which is like the next adventure the next hide. Yeah. And opening ourselves up to that.
Jennie Dildine 1:02:33 Yeah, a couple things come to mind. One of them is this idea of like, when if someone dumped us, like, so much of how we feel about it is what we make it mean, usually we make it mean something about us that something’s wrong with me or something’s wrong with my life, or that I’m broken in some way. And so as much as possible to not think that way. Just be like, Oh, this is about them, what’s going on for them. And then I love this idea how you’re kind of alluding to this future focus. Where this idea, like for sure, there’s what I want is out there, and I just have to go get it. And one of the analogies like I will use with my clients is the crystal ball analogy. Do you ever use this one? Where I’m like, Okay, listen, Caleb, I’ve seen the future, I already know, you’re gonna end up with a woman of your dreams. And you guys are perfectly authentic and perfectly happy together. And then you’re like, Okay, well, that sounds good. Like, I’ve already seen the future. But you’re gonna have to go through like 10 breakups to get there. And then it’s like, okay, well, let’s do that, then, instead of avoiding it, instead of just floating there in the ocean, we just keep going. And we keep going and more discomfort and more breakup. And because, because we’re on a mission to go get something.
Caleb Price 1:04:01 Exactly. And I love that. It’s just like, if you have that in your mind, knowing that you truly are worth it. If you know your worth, and you know that like, this is exactly what you want. Like when it comes to that future relationship or anything that you want in life. And it’s there, it’s already waiting for you, just like you said, it just requires maybe you’re gonna have to go through a couple denials at this job, or maybe you’re gonna have to go through some breakups, or maybe you’re gonna have to go through some, I don’t know, failed exams or something like that in order to get what you want. And when you put in that kind of perspective, you’re just kind of like, well, duh, like, of course, I’m going to do it. Like, yeah, it doesn’t negate that. Obviously, you’re going to have discomfort and hard feelings along the way, but that’s what makes the journey worth it in the end.
Jennie Dildine 1:04:52 Yeah. 100% Let’s just talk for a minute. Like about this idea of being completely, like, just not confident, like, how do you teach confidence, especially when we like maybe come home from the mission. And we’re just like, I got nothing like our lower brain is like so and you know, pointing out all this stuff about ourselves. What would you say is the best way to kind of tap into confidence or self confidence? Maybe the way you and I teach it? What What advice do you have for building confidence?
Caleb Price 1:05:33 I think the best kind of advice that I have for confidence, especially because I came out after my mission, without any confidence, no direction, no purpose, I felt like just like, Yep, I felt amazing as a missionary. And now I’m here and like, Nope, no confidence. I’m not prepared for any of this. And I think really, it was just about leaning into this idea that like, confident people like, like, you were just saying, they just show up, like, everyone around me who’s confident, they’re also going through this kind of discomfort. They’re just showing up as who they are. And so for me, like confidence is just a matter of like, I just own up to the fact that I am kind of unconfident. Like, you see those people that like, you know, there are lots of like, comedians out there, they make fun of themselves that they’re like, I’m kind of scared to do this. And people love that. People relate to that. And so when we lean into the things that we maybe are kind of uncomfortable with, and we just own up to him, you’re like, Yeah, I’m kind of unconfident. Mm hmm. And we still just say to ourselves, like, that doesn’t negate me from going and doing this thing that I want. So like, let’s say you want to ask someone on day, but you’re just like, I have no confidence. Like, I cannot approach this kind of person. Okay. Great. Like, what about you? Like makes you unworthy to ask this person out? What about you? Are Why would you deny this wonderful person from having an amazing evening with yourself? Like, who are you to decide what they want? First off? That’s, I think, a great thought that I love to remind myself as I like, Oh, I’m not in charge of other people’s agency.
Jennie Dildine 1:07:16 Yeah, we’re at least give them an opportunity to say No,
Caleb Price 1:07:20 exactly. Like, if I, if I’m truly unconfident, then I’m going to, you know, go after it. And really, the people that are, you could say, quote, unquote, truly unconfident are those who just don’t go after the opportunity in the first place that those you don’t even know about? Just because they didn’t put themselves out there. It’s not the people that were awkward are the people that, you know, maybe tripped while doing it, or maybe stumbled over your words, I would ask people on on call them on the phone, and I would ramble. And I would just go, you know, like, because I was nervous. But I still did it. And so I eventually feel confident, because I continue just to think that this is what a confident person does a confident person is nervous, I’m nervous. But I still call this person on the phone. I don’t you know, I’m not going to text this person on date. I’m going to call them even though that’s way more nerve wracking.
Jennie Dildine 1:08:17 Yeah, so it’s just this idea of taking the emotion, we feel it, and we go anyway, we do it anyway, entirely.
Caleb Price 1:08:24 And you and not negating the fact that you can’t be a confident person, we think that people are just confident or not confident. Like it’s just like genetics. It’s just a skill that you train yourself into. And that skill is truly just you being yourself, you just leaning into this idea that actually, the most confident version of myself is just the me, that’s the most authentic, that’s the most true to myself. I don’t have to put on a show. I don’t have to do anything that I don’t really want to do. I might have, I’ll have to face some discomfort, but like deep down, what I want is to show up, I want to there are things that I want in life that require what we call confidence. But I am not exempt from that. I’m actually included in that everyone’s included in that.
Jennie Dildine 1:09:18 Okay, Caleb, this has been so awesome. Are we missing anything? Any other like final words about dating post mission? Are these social situations post mission that you feel like we need to know?
Caleb Price 1:09:32 Oh, my gosh, we’ve talked about so much but I feel like the the only point that I want to really just drive home is that in all of it. Please, please, please practice not judging yourself and not saying that you should be doing anything differently or that you here is what I really think is that you should be in a different place. You know, a lot of us think that we should be better we should be different. We should know what we’re doing when it comes to dating especially something that we think is so simple, like, just talking to people, we like to kind of like, diminish ourselves and make ourselves feel less than that we have a problem with us. And so really, I just want to emphasize, if you truly do struggle with anxiety in any of these things or fear, if you have any sort of emotions that you wish were different, or you wish your situation was different, just like, I wished my situation was different two years ago, and coaching, the greatest tool was loving myself anyway, was allowing myself to show up as Yeah, I’m kind of the unconfident person when it comes to dating or I’m kind of unsure about commitment, letting myself show up in that regard, loving myself anyway, always, I just told myself that in the mirror, and reiterated it to myself when you know, bad things, things didn’t go my way, I would just continue to remind myself, Hey, I love myself anyway. Like, the two thoughts that you gave me were, no matter what I accept myself. And no matter what I choose to love myself, even when I don’t love myself, I choose to love that part of me. Mm hmm. And these things a transformed my life. And I think it really can transform all yours. Just you have to learn how to apply it for yourself, you have to put yourself out there dating and in social interactions and really just connect with what it is that I want. And that no matter what happens in going after the thing that I want and all that discomfort. I’m still on my side. I’m still on my side, I still love myself, that is going to get me through it.
Jennie Dildine 1:11:43 So, so good. I love it so much, Kay. Caleb, tell everybody where they can get more help from you. Tell us about your podcast tell us all the things.
Caleb Price 1:11:56 Yeah, so um, so um, Caleb price coaching, that’s like where you can find me. So there’s a website. I’m on Instagram as Caleb the college coach. I also do yes, have a podcast specifically for young adults and college students. It’s called relatable thoughts. There’s a picture of a muffin on it. That’s how you’ll know it’s mine. It’s great. I love it. I started this podcast because I just wanted to help people. And I really love doing it. And specifically for all of you, I’ve created kind of like a freebie to help you kind of just figure out what it is that you want in your life. Because I think a lot of times when it comes to dating, social interactions or career in the future, we’re just like, kind of caught up with this. Like, I just don’t know what the right choice is. And so I created this kind of little video that’s going to help guide you through like, this is what trying to figure out what you want clearing up the confusion, clearing up the anxiety and really just committing yourself to face some kind of discomfort in order to get the thing that you want after figuring it out.
Jennie Dildine 1:12:59 So awesome, everyone, I’ll link that for sure in the show notes. Everyone go get Caleb’s video. He is super fun to hang out with and I’ve listened to your podcast. It’s so much fun. Do you still say keep it spicy at the end
Caleb Price 1:13:14 of every episode, my favorite?
Jennie Dildine 1:13:18 Well, Caleb, you’re awesome. I’m so glad you’re in my life. And thanks for coming on the podcast.
Caleb Price 1:13:24 Thank you so much. And thank you for being an amazing coach and for helping make this all possible.
Jennie Dildine 1:13:32 Serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can present a unique set of challenges. And many of those challenges you might not even see coming. So you’re gonna want a unique set of solutions. It’s easier than you think to overcome worry and anxiety serve the successful mission you’ve always dreamed up and navigate your post mission experience with confidence. That is why I created some amazing free goodies that I’m sharing in my show notes. Maybe you’ll want to grab the free training for preparing missionaries mind video course for RMS or maybe you and I should hop on a free strategy call. If you’re ready to take your preparedness to serve or your preparedness to come home to the next level. Then go grab one of those freebies. And in the meantime, no matter which part of the mission experience you are involved in. Just know that Jennie The LDS mission coach is thinking about you every single day.