Sometimes we do things because we think we should. Sometimes we do things because we’re trying to be obedient missionaries. Sometimes we do things because people have told us that that’s what we should do. But what if the reason why you do things changes into just because you want to?
Listen in to Learn:
- How to make the decision for your next big step
- What it looks like to make decisions confidently
- Why your decisions should be based off of your desires
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0:00 Hey, what’s up everyone, it’s Jennie Dildine, the LDS mission coach and you’re listening to the LDS mission Podcast, episode 90 The best reason. I’m Jennie, the LDS mission coach, and whether you’re preparing to serve a mission, currently serving a returned missionary or a missionary mama like me, I created this podcast just for you. Are you searching for epic confidence? Ready to love yourself and to learn the how of doing hard things? Then let’s go. I will help you step powerfully into your potential and never question your purpose. Again. It’s time to embrace yourself. Embrace your mission, embrace your life, and embrace what’s next. Hey, everybody, welcome to the podcast. Thanks so much for being here today. I love hopping on here, creating this podcast for you every single week. By the time this podcast comes out, it should be like the second week of March, which is super fun. What this also means is, we’re just a week away from when my family goes to see Taylor Swift. Do I have any Taylor Swift Fan, Taylor Swift fans out there. She’s awesome. And super fun. And she puts on an amazing concert, we have been listening to her nonstop, both of my girls made their own like paper chains pretty much since Christmas with a different song on each little link of the chain. I mean, listen to one of our songs each day. Well, they do. And it’s basically just play background all of the time. So now you guys know something about us. I’m a big Taylor Swift Fan, as long as and as well as my whole family, by the way, my husband to all of us. So we are getting really excited about that, as well as my kids spring break is coming up. As well as it feels like the weather is maybe wanting to turn a little bit. So that is amazing. And today, I wanted to just again, I don’t know why. But the last few episodes, I’ve just felt like so full of love and gratitude that you’re here. And, and I think this is because I have had sort of this vision or this desire, or this pole to help missionaries. And I think it really started when I, my own sons went on their missions. And I it’s like something that tapped me on the shoulder a while ago. And I just, I’m going to keep doing I’m going to keep sharing, I’m going to keep showing up, I’m going to keep trying to be there and help our missionaries with more mental and emotional tools, and get more of those out to them. And so if you are here, what that means to me is that you are part of this idea and this vision as well, that possibly we could prepare our missionaries enough mentally and emotionally that they wouldn’t have to really struggle on the mission. Now. Don’t misunderstand me, I think struggle is part of the mission. It is part of the mission. It’s what helps us grow and where that growth kind of stems from. And I don’t think that the struggle has to, like take us down. I think that there are when we have the right mental and emotional tools we can we can weather those struggles and come out stronger than before. The same goes for after the mission, right? The mission. It’s just a unique experience. When I talk to people that are not part of our faith tradition, when they’re like your kids do what, and they’re not allowed to what. And it just it kind of blows their minds. And so there’s a lot that comes kind of with that transition back into real life too. And I feel super passionate about that. Having especially watch my own sons go through that transition, as well as hundreds of other clients that I’ve worked with. So I’m glad you’re here and I I feel so so grateful. So thanks for hanging out with me and listening. Thanks for reviewing the podcast thinks just thanks for your interest in these kids too. I think it’s an amazing place to be and an amazing place to be making a difference. So I truly appreciate you. today. We’re going to talk about the best reason and what I mean by this is the best reason to do anything. And we have a lot of reasons that we do things. I came up with a few Feel like? Sometimes we do things because we think we should. Sometimes we do things because we’re trying to be obedient. Sometimes we do things because that’s what other people are doing. So we kind of observe them. Sometimes we do things, because we think they are doing it the right way. And we observe that sometimes we actually do things because people have told us that that’s what we should do. And we take their advice. Okay, so maybe any of these scenarios are ringing a bell to you, okay. And what I mean by the best reason we do anything, right is let me give you a couple examples of what that might be. The reason that the best reason to work out, the best reason to get married, the best reason to go to school, the best reason to go on a mission. Like we hear that a lot, right? Like, if if I’m here, if I’m in this position, and if I’m thinking about it this way, should I go on a mission? The best reason to get a job, the best reason to change your major, the best reason to come home from a mission or transfer from a servant’s mission or transfer to a service mission, that might be something to consider as well, the best reason to start a business, the best reason to read your Scriptures, the best reason to visit Europe, the best reason to move apartments, okay, the list could go on and on and on. And what I want to offer to you today is that the best reason to do anything, is just because you want to I think a lot of things that we do in our lives, we do because we think it’s gonna make us a better version of us. We think if I run that marathon, or if I change apartments, or if I work out, or if I’m married, or if I have an education, or if I go on a mission, then I’ll be better. But I’m here to tell you that your worth doesn’t change. You’re not any better. Once you have an education, that you are as worthy and valuable as an hole as the person who has an education. And as the person that doesn’t have an education, as the person that went on a mission and the person that didn’t go on a mission, your value and your worth is set. It’s unchangeable, you can’t make your worth go up, or you can’t make your worth go down. So if if my business if I’m serving 10 clients, 10 missionaries, I’m not any better of a person if I’m serving 10,000 missionaries. Now, have I changed? Have I evolved to become a different version of me along the way? Yes. And I totally attest to this, that what I’m doing right now in my business and with missionaries is changing me from the inside out. And it’s causing me to take a look at myself, and to question myself, and to believe in myself in ways that I’ve never believed in myself before. And this is the reason that we should choose to do anything is not because it will make us better. Just because we’re down for the journey and the transformation. So when I was thinking about this podcast, I kept thinking about this analogy of a video game. And I was talking to my coach about it one time. Shout out to Amber Smith, I love you. I was talking to her about it one time and, and for her brain, she likes thinking about her life, like a video game. And the one that I have in my mind is sort of like Donkey Kong. I’ve been watching a lot of documentaries lately about everything that you can think of. Last night, I was watching a documentary about video games and how they came to be and all that they were talking all about Donkey Kong. And so what I have in my mind is sign up kind of pictured that sometimes we think of our lives like we’re going to climb up this one ladder, and then we’re on this next level. And then we’re going to climb up this next level and then we’re on the next level. And then we climb up this other ladder and then we’re on the next level. Or if we’re thinking about like, Mario, I used to play the first Mario Super Mario Bros. Is that what it was called? Back in the day, the first one 2d Only that we like, defeat the bad guy and then we go through the little tube we jump on the flag right and then we get like as he jumped on the flag verse and then go through a little tube or whatever, and then you get to the next level.
9:55 And if you like the way you If you like that way of thinking about your life, if that like lights you up that I’m going to achieve and achieve and achieve, and I’m going to get to the next level and get to the next level. That’s amazing, I kind of see that this is sort of a lot on the mission, the way I hear missionaries talk about kind of their goals and things like that is we’re gonna get more and more and more. And then if we get to the next level, and we get this many baptisms, and if we get this many baptisms, and if we get this many contacts, then all of a sudden, we’re better, we’re better missionaries in that way. And that works for a while. And if it works for you, amazing. But what tends to happen is, then we’ll have a level where we don’t beat the bad guy. And we have to do that level over. Or maybe we don’t get the baptisms or maybe we don’t get the number of contacts that we had set out to get. And then we make that mean, that I’m worse, that I’m not better. Okay, but if we can just hold on to this idea is that the only reason we go through these levels is because it’s fun. And because it gives us opportunity for growth and transformation. Amazing. So why are we on the mission at all? Just because we want to be? Why? Why do we even teach people and share the gospel with them? Just because we want to not because if I become the district leader, or the zone leader, or the AP that somehow that makes me better? It doesn’t make you better, you’re just as equally good as every other person on this planet. equal worth equal value, equal wholeness. Okay, so the way I like to think about it actually is more like a painting. And I’ve shared this analogy a lot lately. I can’t like sometimes on the podcast, but it just resonates so much to me. So when my coach was like, so I like to think about it, like, we’re just getting to the next level, I was like, I like that. But what I like more, what resonates with me more is like, I’m creating it a painting of my life. And when I love thinking about my life this way, because then I get to create any version of what I want to be. Now, if we were looking at a painting like that my daughter created my 10 year old daughter, or maybe a toddler, or maybe like Van Gogh or something like that, or me. Is there one painting that’s quote unquote, better? I don’t think so. Because whatever you’ve created is just like a, an expression of you and your life. And it’s all good. It’s all beautiful. It’s all meaningful. And so I love thinking about it that sorry. I love thinking of my life as a masterpiece. And that every day, I’m adding one stroke here and one stroke there. And I love thinking that I get to create whatever I want and that my heavenly parents trust me to create my masterpiece. Elder Bednar. In October 2009, he had this quote in his general conference talk, he says in my office is a beautiful painting of a wheat field. The painting is a vast collection of individual brushstrokes, none of which, in isolation is very interesting or impressive. He says, in fact, if you stand close to the canvas, all you can see is a mass of seemingly unrelated and unattractive streaks of yellow and gold and brown paint. He said, however, as you gradually move away from the canvas, all of the individual brushstrokes combined together and produce a magnificent landscape, a Wheatfield. Many ordinary individual brushstrokes work together to create a captivating and beautiful painting. And I don’t know if you guys have ever experienced this, but like, with some of the impressionistic work as well, our work is when you step closely, it’s a bunch of just dots, little tiny brushstrokes. And as you step away, you start to see the whole picture of what you’re creating. Now, none of this means that we can’t live within the context of gaming. We can if it works for you, but notice how we don’t need to focus on collecting coins, like in a Mario cave or something like that. like we’re not collecting anything here, we’re not trying to, we don’t need to try to prove anything here, we can just create the life that we want. And a life that’s maybe consecrated and a life, that’s beautiful. Now, you might, again, like I said, find it very useful and motivating to think of your life like a game, like things that you’re trying to accomplish things that you’re trying to do. But if that ever starts to create the emotion of stress, or overwhelm, or also insecurity, or self judgment, you just have this other option to think of your life more like a painting, and Heavenly Father trusts whatever you’re going to create, the way you’ll know which is working better for you. Which analogy works better for you is the emotion that’s created when you think about it that way, if you’re creating emotions, like stress, overwhelm, anxiety, insecurity, shame, doubt in yourself, self doubt, self loathing, maybe not the best analogy for you. If instead, the analogy creates for you love, peace, contentment, acceptance, abundance, self compassion, maybe a better analogy for you. So the best reason to do anything, is just because you want to, you want to add this little place on the painting where there’s a river, and there’s maybe a bridge, or you want to create this place on the painting, where there’s a little, like, shadowed area under the bridge. The best reason to do any of that is just because you want to this joke, from my childhood came to my mind, why did the chicken cross the road, we always said to get to the other side, but we forget this part where just because he wanted to, the better the other side of the road was not any better. And the other side of the road for you will not be any better. Because here’s what’s true, you guys, your brain goes along with you, your brain will always find reasons to feel upset, or discouraged, or lonely or sad, or mad. Your brain will always find reasons to do that, no matter where you are. So just decide that you want to. But what will happen if you decide that you want to work out, if you decide you want to get married, to go to school, to get an education to go on a mission is what will happen is that you will have expanded yourself. Maybe if you want to think about it this way, it’ll be more of an expression, a piece of art of the kind of person that you were meant to be. So just ask yourself, am I hiding more of who I am? And who I meant to be and what I meant to create? Because I’m conforming to more maybe a video game mindset. Because I think that maybe I’ll be better once I reach this certain level. Now, I don’t want anyone to get confused here. Sometimes when I say do something just because you want to. They’re like, Well, what about sacrifice? What about love, I would never do service, if I didn’t, you know, because I don’t really want to it’s not really fun. And the way that you’ll know, if it’s something you want to do is because of the way that you feel. So an example I shared with a client just this week actually was like, I don’t love hockey. But my oldest my middle son, the one who’s a senior, the one that’s the oldest one still at home, he likes hockey. And I don’t love going out to the ice rink and freezing the entire time. And having to find my coat and my gloves and take a blanket and to sit there and shiver the whole time. Is that something I want? Not necessarily. But do I want to? Yes. Because I love him. Because that’s the kind of mom that I want to be. So when I go out there, I don’t feel resentment. I don’t feel obligation. I feel love. And that’s how you’ll know too. You’ll know if you’re doing it in a way that’s aligned for you, with the way that you feel if you’re feeling obligated, if you’re feeling resentful, you might be doing it for some of these reasons I mentioned in the beginning like because you think you should because that’s what other people doing are doing because that’s what someone told you to do. Instead of just doing it because you’ve decided you want to
19:55 and because that’s who you want to be Sometimes we’ll want to make a sacrifice. But that’s different than doing something out of resentment or obligation. And you’ll totally be able to know the difference, right? You’ll also know, because it won’t feel authentic to who you want to be. I’ve talked to a few missionaries that have said to me, like my companion wants to do everything this way. And that doesn’t feel quite authentic to me and the way I think we could do it. And so they go along with something maybe that they don’t agree with. And that will also feel a little bit inauthentic, it won’t feel true to who you want to be. So that’s another clue. Like, if you’re like, Ah, this doesn’t feel like me, this doesn’t feel like the painting I want to create. That’s another clue to know. Right? That maybe it’s not sacrifice. Maybe it’s something else. Okay. And I’m not not to say that we’re not going to be uncomfortable, just like I am when I go to my son’s hockey games. Like, what ends up happening is, when we create these paintings, there’s going to be some Dark Strokes in our painting. I actually asked one of my clients, she’s a returned missionary, who is an art major. I said, What if we didn’t have any dark strokes in the painting? And what she told me and what I know, because I’m like a hobby photographer as well, that you have to have dark and light in a painting. Or there’s no contrast, there’s no depth there, you can’t. There’s no dimension to a painting that only has light strokes, and only highlights in a foot even in a photo or in a video. You have to have those low lights. So just know that in your life, when you’re creating this painting, there’s going to be some times where there’s some Dark Strokes, and some dark little areas that we’re painting in. Here’s a quote I found from elder oak Dorf. I don’t know if we’re supposed to still call him president anymore. I get that part confused. I know with a bishop you’re supposed to they’re still always a bishop. So my guess is yes, we could call him president Udar. Anyway, um, this was from April 2013. He said, I have a cherished painting in my office that is entitled entrance to enlightenment. It was created by a friend of mine, the Danish artists, Johann von teen, Ben Benton. I won’t say it right. But who was the first state president and Copenhagen, Denmark. The painting shows a dark room with an open door from which light is shining. He says it is interesting to me that the light coming through the door does not illuminate the entire room, only the space immediately in front of the door. To me, the darkness and light in this painting are a metaphor for life. It is part of our condition as mortal beings to sometimes feel as though we’re surrounded by darkness. We might have employment challenges and be burdened by doubts or fears or we might feel alone or unloved. I love this because that is true. That’s part of our human condition that’s part of creating this painting, right, this masterpiece is you’re gonna have some times where it’s a little bit darker, where you’re filling in the low lights. This is what gives you depth. And so we can get to this place of abundance where we know that we’re on this journey to create this masterpiece. And we can go to abundance, which sounds like Oh, feeling lonely and frustrated and insecure is part of my earthly journey. We can get to this place where we’re like, oh, I wanted this to with the example of my son and the hunk in the hockey. It’s like, do I want to feel cold the whole time? Do I want to kind of be miserable sitting there shivering? No. And yet, I want this to because this is who I want to be. So here’s a couple things I want you to just keep in mind before I end. And before I wrap this up. A couple things to think about. Let’s think less of achievement, and more about expression. Let’s think less about acquisition and more about expansion. Let’s think less about making things happen and more about surrendering to what’s happening. Let’s think less about force and more about inspiration. Let’s think less about external progression that other people can see. And more about internal shifts. Let’s think less about proving yourself and more about being yourself. Okay? Everyone, the painting, the masterpiece that you’re creating even the dark spots is amazing because it’s yours. So I invite all of you to go out and be you. Be you, before your mission, be you on your mission, be you after your mission, and lean into doing things just because you want to our Heavenly Parents are giving you those little hits of intuition of intuition for a reason. So go be you. You’re the only one that can. All right, you guys, everyone have the most amazing week, take care. Serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can present a unique set of challenges. And many of those challenges you might not even see coming. So you’re gonna want a unique set of solutions. It’s easier than you think to overcome worry and anxiety, serve the successful mission you’ve always dreamed up and navigate your post mission experience with confidence. That is why I created some amazing free goodies that I’m sharing in my show notes. Maybe you want to grab the free training for preparing missionaries, my video course for RMS or maybe you and I should hop on a free strategy call. If you’re ready to take your preparedness to serve or your preparedness to come home to the next level. Then go grab one of those freebies. And in the meantime, no matter which part of the mission experience you are involved in. Just know that Jenny, the LDS mission coach is thinking about you every single day