95. Make Room for Magic

0:00 Hey, what’s up everyone, it’s Jennie Dildine, the LDS mission coach and you are listening to the LDS mission Podcast, episode number 95. Make room for magic. Hey, I’m Jenny, the LDS mission coach. And whether you’re preparing to serve a mission, currently serving a returned missionary or a missionary mama like me, I created this podcast just for you. Are you searching for epic confidence? Ready to love yourself and to learn the how of doing hard things? Then let’s go. I will help you step powerfully into your potential and never question your purpose. Again. It’s time to embrace yourself. Embrace your mission, embrace your life, and embrace what’s next. Hey, everybody, welcome to the podcast, I actually recorded the beginning of this already. And you just need to know that some days I can’t talk. This is one of those days where I kept fumbling over my words, I was trying to tell you about the giveaway for my birthday. And I just the words were not coming out. So I was like, You know what, let’s just start over. Anyway. So here we are. Take to me three or four. If I’m being honest, just kidding. I don’t usually start over but my head was I was getting so in my head, I was like, we just need to start fresh. So here we are. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you for being here. I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so glad. And so honored to be hanging out with you. If you are getting ready to serve your mission. If you’re on your mission, if you’re home from your mission, if you’re a parent of a missionary, anybody who is involved in the LDS mission experience at all my hat goes off to you because it is such a unique experience that we have in our faith tradition. I think it’s quite unlike any other experience that even people in other faith traditions have. So there’s a lot of unique challenges that go with that. And so I’m just super happy you’re here to get the word out about getting more mental and emotional tools. And to just get excited about helping more missionaries and more families of missionaries. And this month, because it’s been my birthday month, my birthday was on April 1. Yeah, that’s not a joke. I actually am an April Fool’s baby. I have been doing a giveaway every Friday. And I’m drawing names from people who follow the podcast who rate the podcast and who write a review. So thank you to all of you who have been writing reviews. So I’m going to go ahead, I did the drawing right before I recorded. Let me pull up what that the winner is. For a $50 amazon gift card is m at m at December 1. Well, it says Dec one N c zero. So Matt, Matt, D C, one and c zero, and it’s the at sign em at. So if this is you send me an email Jennie at Jennie dildine.com. Always remember Jennie is spelled with an IE or just reach out on Instagram Jenny dot, the LDS mission coach and we will get you your $50 amazon gift card now, if you haven’t entered, we’re going to do this every Friday for the rest of April. And then at the end of April, I’m going to take all of you and I’m gonna put you in a pot to draw out a name for someone who is going to win an entire program package from me, which is 10 sessions. It’s kind of insane that I’m doing this. But I am because I know there’s one of you out there that is filling the poll to get a little bit more help either before your mission or on your mission or after your mission. And all you got to do to enter is just go follow rate and review. Okay, and listen, if you’re a missionary mom listening to this, and maybe you want your son or daughter to get some help after the mission, they’re not quite home, just go enter go write a review. And we can save that for when they get home. I would love to do that. That sounds amazing. Because most of them need help when they get home. I’ve actually been working on a podcast for next week that’s gonna come out about return missionaries specifically and also missionaries who come home earlier than they expected. So you can stay tuned for that but um Yeah, so go enter. i Today, we’re actually going to talk about make room for magic. And this is a super fun concept that I think I talked about very briefly on another podcast episode, the habits goals, dreams podcast. And so I wanted to dive just a little bit deeper here, about making room for magic. Now, as always, on these podcasts, I hope that the things that you take away from this can apply to whether you’re preparing for your mission, and you’re having thoughts like I don’t even know if my mission is going to work for me, if I’m going to be strong enough, I don’t know if I’m going to be spiritual enough, it could also work for you, hopefully, these concepts will work for you on your mission, where you are, you know, just having trouble, like meeting your goals or trouble just kind of staying motivated. Or after your mission as well, maybe you’re trying to get a job, or maybe you’re trying to go on a date, you know, try to date more whatever it is, my goal with these episodes is that they’re kind of dialed back enough that you can apply them to whatever experience that you’re going through. And I’ll give you some examples, hopefully in each area, but think about this kind of bigger picture for you. I’m going to explain it I guess, bigger picture, but think more specifically, about how this applies to what you are going through. Okay, so the reason I wanted to dive deeper into this is because what I started to notice, even just over the last couple of weeks was with a few of my clients and on a strategy color, too, is people were kind of letting their brains run on autopilot, which is what we all tend to do. They’re letting their brains run on autopilot. And when our brains love to do you guys is look for the negative. And this is just what they’re designed to do. We want them to do this. But sometimes we need to be a little bit more intentional. And a little bit more aware of the fact that our brain is doing this. So let me give you some things that I heard come up on calls this week one actually was a missionary mom that I have been working with. And she was telling me about one of her sons that you know, is having a hard time with some mental health stuff and is having a hard time even kind of graduating from high school and just getting those classes done and things like that. And she said to me something like, Well, I think I’ve just got to get used to the fact that he might just live with us forever. And she said that kind of jokingly. And, you know, I feel like maybe, because that does happen sometimes. But what we talked about, and what I shared with her is like, but what if we just made room for magic? Right? Our brain kind of likes to plan ahead and tell us the worst thing that could maybe happen. But what can be so powerful is if we leave room for this magic that maybe it could go better than we could have possibly imagined. Maybe her son is going to be wildly successful, and ended up making enough money moving out that he buys new houses for everyone in the family. I don’t know, just who knows. But it’s this idea that we give equal airtime to the possibility that it could be wildly different, wildly amazing, and wildly more spectacular than we could have even dreamed.

9:28 Another example was I was on a strategy call just the other day actually this week with a returned missionary. And she was telling me that she sort of received some intuition or inspiration on her mission that what she thought she wanted to do is maybe what she is not going to be doing or shouldn’t she shouldn’t be doing in the future as far as a career and stuff. So now she’s sort of kind of just kind of feeling things out and she was telling me how she had a liquid plan. But she was kind of questioning herself because all of her friends seemed to have a really concrete plan about where they were going to go to school and what they were going to study and what they wanted to do. So I was like, well tell me a little bit about your liquid plan. And she’s like, well, I’m going to kind of go with the flow here and work for a bit. But this isn’t where I want to stay. And so I’m planning to do that for like three months. And then I’m going to go ahead and I am going to end up in school. And then I’m going to take a couple classes so that I can get a feel for what I might want to do. And I’m going to explore lots of options. And I said, and then what she said to me, is an eye just this, pretty much no, this liquid plan is not enough, it’s it’s not going to get me where I want to go. And that’s where we can introduce this idea of making room for magic is what if actually, your liquid plan, even if it’s not concrete? What if your liquid plan is going to be way more successful, wildly more successful than any concrete plan that you could have come up with? What if this liquid plan that you have, like opens doors that you couldn’t even have imagined? What if we just made room for the magic and the possibility? And the land of crazy where everything goes? Exactly not only exactly according to plan, but like more amazing than we could have ever dreamed? So here’s what’s interesting about this and why it’s useful to kind of balance both right, I think it’s good to be realistic. Well, I don’t know, maybe we’re going to talk in a little bit about why it’s not always good to be realistic. But what tends to happen is our brain wants to be really, really realistic about the future. But listen, any sort of future that we create is just a mental construct that our brain comes up with. Like none of this is what’s wild, is none of us really know what’s going to happen five, five minutes from now, five years from now, could we any of us have predicted in 2020, that my son would come home from his mission in Australia, and that all of my kids would live at home with me for that entire summer. And that my son, my other son would be teaching, you know, the MTC from home. Like none of us could have predicted that. And so instead, our brain makes up futures. So that we can kind of plan ahead and sort of know what to suspect or what to expect. But none of us know what’s actually going to happen. This could come in handy to with one client that I was working with, she was trying to get a job, but she’s recently returned home. And she’s trying to get a job at the MTC. And she had said to me, okay, so my Korean, I feel like I’m pretty good. But I’m worried that I’m gonna get into that interview. And I’m going to be really nervous. And I’m going to have a hard time kind of expressing my Korean and the way that I know that I can’t. And notice her brain just made that up. It just made up a future. But none of us really know what’s gonna happen in the future. There’s so many variables in that interview it so many variables, variables about who’s going to do the interviewing, what mood they’re going to be in so many different variables. And so instead of just going with the first option that our brain likes to give us that we’re going to be nervous, why not make room for magic? And just decide, you know, what’s equally possible is that I kill it in that interview, that I am maybe a little bit nervous, but not near as nervous as I thought. And that my nervousness is what propels me to speak my best Korean that I’ve ever spoken. What if they, like, offer me the job right there on the spot? What if, like, I don’t even have to do any more steps. They’re so impressed with my career, that it’s just like, we want you we want you to work here. Okay, so I’ll see what I’m saying. We just make room for another possibility. And the best part ability yet. So here’s why it first of all, is not as fun to just let your brain run on default. That’s the first thing, that’s one of the problems with letting your brain run on default is just not as fun. Because our brain wants to be very practical and point out all the problems. But here’s another problem with it is your brain is always going to look for proof of what we think and believe. So I’m gonna say that, again, your brain is always going to look for proof of what you think, or belief. So with the first example of the woman that I’m working with, and her son, like, if she just believes he’s probably going to live with us forever, then your brain will go to work, like proving that true and looking for all the evidence that that’s true. With the second example, of the strategy call, where she didn’t think her liquid plan was good enough, your brain will just go to work making that true. Actually, it will go to work looking for all the evidence to prove it true that the liquid plan isn’t good enough. Or this other client who was you know, getting the job at the MTC. If she just believes I’m going to be too nervous to speak my best Korean. That is what the brain will look for and find it like has a homing beacon. It’s like beep See, Beep Beep, beep See, beep beep beep see, there it is again. And then that is the experience that we end up creating. Listen, your brain wants to be right about what it thinks and believes more than it wants to feel good. Isn’t that crazy. So even if you have a belief, this really doomsday about yourself, your brain will keep trying to prove that true. It’s like me, I think I’ve shared this on the podcast before is like I’ve had this belief for a long time that I’m weak. It’s one that I’m working on, and that I continue to work on letting go of, but it’s just fascinating to me how I’ll be on a call with my coach. And I’ll be like, I have this idea in my business. And this is the way I want to help missionaries. And I want to do it in a big way so that we can help more of them. And she’s like, Well, why don’t you do that. And I’m like, because I’m weak. My brain will just go through my day and be like, Oh, see, that’s why that happened is because you’re weak. See, that’s why that happened is because you’re weak. And so we just want, our brain will want to prove that thought through more than it wants us to feel good. Okay. So there’s usually for me at least certain times where I do this. And usually for me, it’s about my future. And maybe that’s what you find too. Like if something’s coming up, that’s big. Like in these examples I shared like my one client, that’s a missionary mom, she was worried about her son’s future. On the other one on the strategy calls, she was worried about her future. And with the client that was applying to the MTC, she was worried about her future, that future interview. And so usually what I have found is that the best time to introduce this idea of making room for magic is when we think about our future,

18:55 because the brain automatically will want to create a dismal picture. It’s sort of like if we can be worried about that. Now, maybe we won’t have to worry about it later, is what our brain kind of tells us about why be realistic. It’s not actually fun, to be realistic. Why not give equal airtime to the possibility that everything is going to go way better than we possibly could have imagined. So I have this story. It’s kind of a funny time to share this example. But my husband and all of his brothers, bless all their hearts have this habit of when they’re watching football or basketball or any sport that they like to as the time winds down as an if one of the teams makes what we would call like a fatal error or something like that. They like to say the word ball game, and we like ballgame, meaning the game’s over and It just drives me so crazy. I, if my husband’s listening to this, he will know exactly what I’m talking about. Because that is basically just deciding before the game is already over what the dismal outcome will be, our brain wants to decide ahead of time, that it’s that they’ve lost the game, that their team, they’re rooting for his loss. So it’ll be like ballgame. And for me, it’s just not useful. To do that. Instead, let’s keep believing, let’s keep believing in the possibility. Sometimes they’ll say ball game with like three minutes left, and I’m like, There’s no way this game is over. What’s equally possible is that the team could come from behind, or shoot a bunch of threes. Like the other team, they could have an injury, like we just don’t know. And so make room for the magic. Don’t call ball game in your life, or in your job search, or on your mission. before we’ve even gotten to the end. Sometimes we do this, before we even get started, I’ve heard missionaries say I just know that I’m going to struggle with X and Y, and Z. And the work that I do with my clients, of course, like we work on that, all of that good stuff. But when we just decide ahead of time that we’re going to struggle with something, guess what most likely happens is we do it instead, I’m all it’s totally fine that your brain goes there, but give equal airtime to the possibility that you could be wildly successful, and be the kind of missionary that you want to be. Make room for the magic, our brain will always go to work creating the reality that we live, we start to create a lens, our brains will create a lens through which we see everything. So give equal airtime to the possibility that everything could turn out amazingly well. Now let’s I want to give you a couple examples about how you could think about this and apply it. Number one is taking a test, instead of just letting your brain run on default and be like, Oh, my goodness, this is gonna be terrible. It’s gonna be so hard. Just be like, yeah, or it could be easy and fun. And your brain will want to reject it. I’m not saying that we’re going to just, like be able to jump to that thought automatically and just leave the other one behind. But can we bring in this magic to balance it out? And then our brain will go to work proving that thought true? What about going out on a date? Like, instead of just deciding, I’m going to be awkward on that date? Or, like, I maybe we’ve heard something about this person. And for sure I’m we’re not going to have anything in common. It’s okay, if that’s not there, that thought is there. But let’s also make room for possibility for magic for the idea that maybe this person could totally be the one that you end up with for the rest of your life. What about maybe for a goal you have for going on the mission, instead of believing, oh, there’s no way we can do that. There’s no way we can meet that goal of making more contacts or baptisms or whatever it is, instead of just make room for magic. Like, maybe, you know, what could be equally true, is this could be easy and fun. And that people are just gonna walk in the door and be golden and ready to hear what we have to say. Or the other example I thought of cuz the weather’s been a little bit back and forth. We had a really beautiful day. And then today it’s cloudy and cold again, is instead of waking up and being like, Oh, this weather is gonna ruin my day. Which, right? Because then our brain won’t go to work proving that true. Instead make room for magic. That the other possibility is, this could be the most amazing day that I’ve ever had. And then our brain will go to work probably not true. The example that comes to mind is over spring break. My family and I went to Disneyland which is supposed to be the happiest place on earth. I actually were obsessed with Disney here at my house. We love going to Disney. But it was pouring rain. And so we could have woken up and been like forget it. This is pointless. So it’s not what we want it to be or we could make room for magic and Just be like, You know what, this could also possibly be the best Disney Day that we’ve ever had. Maybe it’s going to turn out, way more successful way more enjoyable than we can even imagine. One of my favorite thoughts or beliefs is that the universe is always working in my favor to create experiences, way better than I could even imagine. And it’s really fun to think about it that way. So I’m going to leave you with 12345 tips to allow you to make room for magic. Okay, number one, be willing to be wrong. This is a tough one, again, because our brain wants to be right, more than it wants us to feel good. But when your brain offers you a thought, like we’re gonna do horrible on that test. And just be like, actually, brain, maybe we’re wrong. Maybe the test is going to be easy, and fun. Wouldn’t that be weird? Number two, go to the land of crazy, I give you permission right now to go to the land of crazy, like any dream that you have called all the way there and just be like, okay, in the land of crazy, this is what I think I want. Go there. So if you are going out on that date, and your brains, like, we’re not going to have anything in common, or I’m going to be so awkward, just gotten a little crazy, be like, or we could be a match made in heaven, and you can just be silly about it even, right. But it’s just kind of fun to open up and make room for that magic. Number three, untie your worth to the outcome. Now, the reason that our brain wants to, like kind of warn us about the way stuffs gonna go in in the future, is because it wants to kind of warn us of failure before failure actually happens. Okay, so if you’re going to play with this make room for magic, you also have to be willing to untie your worth to the outcome. So let’s decide if we have a goal on the mission to make a certain number of new contexts during the week. And we just our brains are like, that’s going to be too hard. We’re not even going to get one. No one’s listening, all of that. And you then decide to play with this idea of making room for magic. And you’re like, or what if we just walk down the street and people are magnetized towards us and we get five new contacts, just walking in the park today. You have to untie your worth to the outcome. You have to like if that doesn’t happen, then you have to be willing to be like, Okay, well, I guess, I guess that didn’t work out. And don’t make it mean anything about you. It’s sort of like, instead of deciding, like, I have to make this happen, you make room for like the universe. And like the spirit and the magic and our heavenly parents to kind of work their magic in your life instead, and you untie your effort and your outcome

28:25 to your worth. Did I say that, right? So you untie your worth to the outcome or the work that you’re doing? And you kind of give it give it to God or give it to the universe? And then understand if it doesn’t work out? Oh, well, it was just fun to believe that it was going to while we were making room for magic, Okay, number four, understand the thought result correlation. Okay, and so this is kind of goes back to the model that I teach that anything you think, is going to end up in your result line. So if you are confused about what the model is, you can go back to episode number seven, how to overcome any challenge. But it’s actually a physiological psychological thing that happens in the human brain is called confirmation bias and whatever we believe is going we’re going to end up proving true in our result. So that is another one a tip for you to understand that whatever you’re thinking your brain will go to work proving true. So why not make like make room for magic and believe the fitness thing. And then number five, be open. And this is a tough one because our brain will want to shut down and think it knows the answer and instead just be like, I don’t know how this is gonna turn out. I I’m open to whatever happens. And it could be that this test is really easy. It could be that this is Is my person, it could be that we meet our goal in a really easy way. It could be that because it’s raining, we’re going to have the best day at Disneyland. Okay, so I hope that this gives you some stuff to think about. I don’t know, just with spring, kind of this has been on my mind because isn’t it kind of magical how we come through winter and then just without us even trying, we don’t even have to do anything and the blossom start to pop out of the ground. And there’s starts to be new growth on the trees and my daughters and I you know, we were talking just yesterday about how when our trees gonna burst open with white blossoms, some of us were saying seven days, some are saying 10 days, some are saying five. And so I just think this is a magical time of year where anything is possible. Where there is magic all around us. There’s baby ducklings and our pond across the street. And there’s flowers and and before long there will be you know, little Dandy Lions that we can wish on and and make wishes on. And so that is my message for you today. I hope it helps you give equal airtime to the possibility that things are going to be way better. Way better that than we could have ever imagined that we’re going to be wildly successful. And make sure that you make room for that magic. Alright, everyone have the most amazing week we will talk to you next time. Serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can present a unique set of challenges. And many of those challenges you might not even see coming. So you’re gonna want a unique set of solutions. It’s easier than you think to overcome worry and anxiety serve the successful mission you’ve always dreamed up and navigate your post mission experience with confidence. That is why I created some amazing free goodies that I’m sharing in my show notes. Maybe you’ll want to grab the free training for preparing missionaries, mic video course for RMS or maybe you and I should hop on a free strategy call. If you’re ready to take your preparedness to serve or your preparedness to come home to the next level. Then go grab one of those freebies. And in the meantime, no matter which part of the mission experience you are involved in just now that Jenny the LDS mission coach is thinking about you every single day