99. The World’s Okay-est Mom (or missionary)

0:00 Hey, what’s up everyone, it’s Jennie Dildine, the LDS mission coach and you are listening to the LDS mission Podcast, episode number 99, the world’s okayest mom, or missionary? Hey, I’m Jenny, the LDS mission coach. And whether you’re preparing to serve a mission, currently serving a returned missionary or a missionary mama like me, I created this podcast just for you. Are you searching for epic confidence? Ready to love yourself and to learn the how of doing hard things? Then let’s go. I will help you step powerfully into your potential and never question your purpose. Again. It’s time to embrace yourself. Embrace your mission, embrace your life, and embrace what’s next. Hey, everybody, welcome to the podcast. Guess what this weekend is? Mother’s Day. How’s everybody feeling about Mother’s Day? You know, back in the day, when my first son, when my oldest left on his mission, we were only allowed to talk to our missionaries on Mother’s Day and Christmas. Doesn’t that seem crazy now? I mean, that was a lot like it was a lot to process. And the days leading up to it, there was so much anticipation and the days after? We would I would I don’t know if all of you moms were like this, but I would cry for like days, because I missed him so much. But now things are different. Which I say I say is it a good thing for sure. Today, we’re going to talk all about being the world’s okayest mom. And we’re also going to talk about by the way, being the world’s okayest missionary. And we’re going to dive all into that. But I have some very amazing news for you, which is we are giving away right now. We are giving away 10 sessions. For the month of April, anybody who submitted a review on the podcast, I entered into a drawing. We were giving away amazon gift cards every month. I’m sorry, excuse me every week in April to celebrate my birthday month. And now I am about to announce the winner of a 10 session package. So the winner is me 155. So if this is you, you 110 sessions with me one on one, it’s going to be amazing. I can’t wait to find out if you’re a mom, or if you’re a missionary, or if you’re an RM what’s going on with you I can’t wait to hear. So go ahead and email me Jenny, with an IE Jenny at Jennie dildine.com. And let me know what we’re going to be talking about. And we’ll get you some amazing help through my one on one program, which is so fun. Let me read to you guys this review. Because I love it so much. It says amazing with two exclamation points. What an awesome podcast. There’s so many helpful simple steps that Jenny gives for missionaries. I’m grateful for the tools that she’s willing to share. So missionaries can have confidence and strength in their mental health as they go throughout the varying stages of the mission. I also love that most episodes only average between 25 and 30 minutes. Thank you. She says thank you so much me 1555 for your review. I’m glad that you care about the mental and emotional health of missionaries the way that I do. And I love how you use varying stages of the mission in your description. There are a lot of stages, right? There’s the preparing the current, all the things that come along with that. And then I think all of us are learning more and more that there is definitely a big, big transition that happens after the mission as well. When you get home and trying to fit yourself back into your life after the mission and that transition is so important to so me 1555 You please email me or reach out on Instagram and let me know that you are the person that won this giveaway. It’s been super fun. Thank you so much. To all of you who have written reviews over the last month. It really helps to get the podcasts out there more to more people, more missionaries, more missionary moms and dads so that we can help bolster and improve the mental anima Mental health are missionary some of our favorite people. Okay, so let’s dive straight into what I wanted to talk to you about today, which is being the world’s okayest, mom, or missionary. And we could insert anything that we want to enter into this title of this podcast, we could say, world’s okayest, employee world’s okayest, mother in law worlds, okay, a sister in law. And the idea of being the okayest, I’m going to tell you more about where this came from in a minute. But this concept has really helped me and actually kind of set me free in a lot of ways. And so I want to be able to share it with you today. I actually knew that I wanted to do some kind of a Mother’s Day podcast, because I know if you’re a mom, that Mother’s Day can be kind of challenging for many of us, because what we tend to do when Mother’s day rolls around is we tend to compare ourselves to the mums that we wish we were, or to other moms or to moms, we’ve been in the past or to ourselves as a mom in the future, and we think we should just be so much better. But hopefully, this concept of being the world’s okayest mom, and again, please insert the word missionary or employee, however you need to in this. I hope this concept will help you. So in our word, I’m actually always looking forward to Mother’s Day, because what they do in our word, which is super cool, and I highly recommend it to every word out there is instead of creating a picture of all these ideal moms that none of us ever feel like we’ll be able to measure up to, they actually just have the seniors speak. So because I have a senior who’s graduating here at the end of the month, he is going to be speaking and I just love hearing from all of the seniors, the graduating seniors in our ward, it just seems like a really good, like thing to do on Mother’s Day. And I really love that over the years. But here’s one of the things that tends to happen is that every senior gets up there and they say, my mom is the best mom. As if it’s a competition. They say, Well, I know all of you think that your moms are the best moms, but my mom is the best mom. But here’s what I want you guys to know, is that there’s no such thing as the best mom, there’s actually no such thing as the best missionary, the best employee, the best student. There’s just no such thing. And I think we need to start framing this way of thinking a little bit differently. Because here’s the problem was saying best is then that insinuates that there’s a worst. So when someone gets up and say this is an example of the best mom, then what tends to happen is all of the rest of us in the congregation think Well, I’m not doing that. So I must be the worst. This could apply for missionaries as well. Like we have this higher key then of best missionaries, and then worst missionaries. And so if we set up as an example, this is the best missionary, this is what best missionaries do, then we inevitably create this comparison. And there’s for sure people in the audience at your own conference or wherever you are that are thinking, well, if I don’t do that, then I must be the worst. But listen, there is no higher key of goodness. Did you know that we’re all valuable, whole complete, lovable worthy, just because we exist on this planet. And what we tend to do, right is we compare other people’s doing with our our doing and it makes sense that we do this, because that’s the only thing we can see on the outside is what people are doing. So we just create this list of things to do a bullet point list of things to do to be a good mom or to be a good missionary. And I want us if it feels good to you to let all of that go.

9:58 Guess what we all are is we’re all human. We’re human missionaries, we’re human moms. We’re all just here on this earth, trying to figure it out, trying to live the way that we think we should, trying to strive to feel the Spirit, and to be the kind of people that we want to be. All of us are trying to do that. And so there’s just no hierarchy of goodness, even people that we would look at and be like, No, that is bad, they should not be doing it that way. That’s okay, that people don’t show up the way that you think that they should. They’re just human to, they’re just trying to figure it out. They’re just trying to do the best that they can. So we need to stop comparing our doing with other people’s doing, and just understand that there’s no hierarchy of goodness, that we all belong here that we’re all full of goodness, and light, and love. And that we’re all worthy and valuable and whole. So I want to give you guys a tool today. If you find yourself kind of comparing, or thinking like, Oh, I must be the worst. Sometimes we we even might think like I might be the worst human. If I can’t get out of bed on time for the mission, that I must be the worst. Or if I can’t, you know, like write a letter to my missionary every week, then I must be the worst. Or if I forgot to pick my daughter up from school, and I must be the worst. I will say that that has happened twice. I’ve been a mom for going on 25 years now. And I’ve only forgot to pick up my kids twice. So that’s pretty good odds, I’d say. The only other funny story I will tell you is when we accidentally left one of my kids back when Well, I think they still have those little bassinet, like carry carseat things. We accidentally left one in the Albertsons. One of my kids in the Albertsons video department, and you youngers will not know that there used to be a video department at Albertsons where you could go pick out like VHS videos and DVDs to take home and watch. So he was just brand new, and we left him we like, picked our video and then we left him sitting there. And we took our toddler out with garb up forgot the baby in the car seat. So not my best moment as a mom. But listen, that’s always going to happen. We’re going to have a human experience while we’re living here. And that’s okay. So the tool I want to introduce to you today is the world the word Oh, okay. And today, we’re gonna talk about two ways that you can use this word, the word, okay? To help you if you find yourself in this comparison stage, or if you find like, Man that didn’t go the way I wanted it to, I didn’t want to leave my baby in the video section of the Albertsons. Okay? So the two ways that we can use the word Okay, is we’re going to use it as a parenthesis for parentheses, or for making peace. Okay, so I’m going to dive into all of what it means and use tons of examples so you know what I’m talking about. But number one for parentheses, this will help us create compassion and love for others and compassion and love for ourselves. And then, for making peace, which is number two is going to help us create more surrender and acceptance to the human experience, to what we’re meant to do here on this earth and on our missions, which is to be human, and experiment and try it all. Okay, and to to figure out who we are and love ourselves through the whole process. Okay, so let’s start first with the parentheses we can use Okay, in parentheses. And what I mean by this is, if you listen to this podcast at all, you know that I teach that thoughts create our feelings. Now when we say a certain thought, it’s like a synapse connects in our brains, and then that synapse creates chemicals, vibrations, sensations that go through our body. And they’re actually called feelings because we feel something. So what I want to do is I want to share with you guys a few sentences and I want you to think about like when you think that sentence how How do you feel? Okay? And then we’re going to add, and it’s okay in parentheses at the end of the sentence just to give you a little preview, we’re going to add, and it’s okay at the end and see if that changes, if that shifts the way that you feel instead. Okay, let’s start with thoughts about other people. So the way this tool, the parenthese thought, the parenthese it’s okay, works is like this. So first, let’s decide. Let’s think this thought my kids don’t really like me right now. Okay, so when we just think that thought, the one that came up for me was frustration when I think that, okay, now we’re going to add in parentheses at the end, and it’s totally okay. Let’s listen. My kids don’t really like me right now. And it’s totally okay. Notice how that creates a different emotion. It creates acceptance, love, compassion. For myself, actually, and for my kids. How about this one? My son is struggling on the mission. How do you feel when you think about that? For me, what came up was stress. Now let’s play with adding. And it’s okay at the end in a parenthesis, my son is struggling on the mission and it’s okay. Notice how when we add that little parenthese and it’s okay. At the end, it creates a different feeling. It creates compassion creates understanding, it creates love. Let’s try this one. My daughter is experiencing a lot of homesickness. That thought all on its own probably creates for me what it creates is worry. But when we add in and it’s okay, let’s try. My daughter is experiencing a lot of homesickness. And it’s totally okay. Notice how that shifts it. Here’s one more for you, my companion is super anxious. That sentence all by itself, for me creates pressure, or more stress. But when we’re like, my companion is super anxious. And it’s okay. That creates a different feeling creates compassion and love. Okay, so we can use and it’s okay at the end of any thought that you’re thinking. Now the first thing you’ll have to be able to do is notice of course, what you are thinking what that sentence is. And then we can soften soften it, we can change the feeling. Am I just adding an it’s okay in parentheses. Let’s I want to give you a few more so that we can understand how this works. For creating love and compassion for ourselves. Here’s a few more and I’m just going to add an It’s okay. I didn’t get that package mailed off to my son on time. What’s that feeling? I didn’t get that package mailed off to my son on time and that’s okay. I’m feeling overwhelmed with the list of things to do before graduation. Versus I’m feeling overwhelmed with the list of things to do before graduation. And it’s totally okay. How about this one? I don’t really like the way I look today. Probably create some shame or some sadness or frustration or insecurity instead of I don’t really like the way I look today. That’s okay. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel better. Okay, I’m super irritated with my companion.

19:14 That sentence alone creates something like anger. But I’m super irritated with my companion today. And it’s okay. I get irritated sometimes and it’s totally fine. Okay, so funny that I just said okay. That’s how we use this for parenthesis the word Okay, is we soften it, we add it to the end of the sentence. We create more love, acceptance and compassion. Now why does it even matter that we create love and acceptance and compassion? Remember, your feelings are like fuel in a car. And if we’re feeling angry, frustrated, insecure, that car is going to take us one place. It’s going to drive a certain set of actions And for feeling acceptance and peace and love and compassion, it’s gonna take us another place. Okay? I just highly recommend as often as possible, we feel those emotions that feel good. And we’re not always going to sometimes that lower brain, it’s going to win out 50% of the time, we’re going to feel irritated with our companion. But when we’re ready, we can add and it’s okay and feel something different instead. Okay, second way that we’re going to be able to use this concept of okay, or the word, okay, is for making peace. The other day, I saw a mom wearing this t shirt that said, world world’s okayest mom. And I love this so much. Because what we tend to think is what I call a sneaky thought, like, I just want to be the best mom, I just want to be the best employee, I just want to be the best missionary that I can be. And the reason I call this a sneaky thought, is because it sounds really lovely. And it makes us you know, feel pretty good one we’re thinking at first, but in evidently, all of us are not going to be the best every time. We’re not we’re going to fall short. That’s just the way it goes in life. And so it’s called a sneaky thought, because it sounds really lovely to sort of aspire to that. But when we really start to apply it, and then we see that we’re not measuring up, it actually causes us to feel terrible. Okay. The truth is, guys, is we’re both half the time I’m the best mom and half the time, I’m the worst. And guess what? I totally made peace with that. I know that half the time I’m gonna get it right. And half the time I’m gonna get it wrong. And that’s all okay. As humans, we’re both good enough. And not good enough. Both of it both of those things. Am I enough? I kind of felt like when we were all came to this earth, they like, put a hole in the center of us that made us feel like we weren’t enough. And just so we would always know to return like turn back to our savior for help. Right? So am I enough? Just human on my own? No, never. But am I enough? Always. And I love me, if you want to listen to more about this, I talk a lot about it on episode 58. Making peace with not enough. But the idea is I fully know that I fall short, in a lot of ways. And also, I’m never falling short at all. I’m totally amazing, and incredible. We’re both as humans, we don’t need to be the best. There’s no hierarchy of goodness, when it comes to be a human comes to being a human mom, or a human missionary, or a human at all. The truth is, we’re going to be awesome mom sometimes. And sometimes we’re gonna not be that good at it. We’re going to be terrible. And sometimes we’re going to be awesome missionaries, and sometimes we’re going to be terrible, and it’s all totally fine. Sometimes we’re going to meet our goals. And sometimes we’re just going to fail miserably and not even get close. Or sometimes we’re not even gonna try. We’re gonna set a goal and we’re just gonna like be like, nevermind, I don’t want to do that. You’ve been there. I know, I’ve been there. I always am clued in to this hierarchical thinking of like, best, like there’s a best way to do something and a worse way to do something. When one of my clients will say, well, I’ll just do the best I can. Do you hear it? Like, they’re gonna just do the best that they can. But what I like to say back to them is Yeah, I mean, maybe that sounds fun. But it’d be totally fine. If we didn’t do it at all. Or if you want to, we can still do that thing. And do it terribly. You guys what would be different if you just decided I’m going to be an okay mom. Not going to be the best. Hopefully not the worst. Because really, there’s no such thing. But what if I just decided I’m an okay mom. Or I’m gonna be an okay missionary. I just want to be okay at it. Because I know sometimes it’s gonna be awesome and sometimes it’s gonna be hard, and sometimes I’m gonna mess it all up and It’s all totally okay. A lot of people when I kind of share this concept, they’re sort of like, well, I don’t know, I don’t want to think about myself that way. Because if I just think I’m okay at something, then I’ll never do anything. But I believe the opposite of this is true, because we’re not wired that way. Our Heavenly Parents, they designed us for growth, and expansion. And, you know, wanting to expand our way of thinking and expand our way of feeling. We are expansive beings. And so I don’t think any of us if we just decided, I just want to be Okay, at this, I don’t want to be the best. I just want to be okay. None of us are just gonna be like, Oh, well, I give up, not going to be a missionary anymore. What instead, we’ll do is we’ll introduce those more useful feelings. Nothing shuts down growth and expansion down quicker than guilt, inadequacy, or feeling like we’re falling short. Again, back to this hierarchy. If there’s a best, then that means there’s a second best and a third best and a fourth best. And that means that there’s a worst and then a, you know, last almost as worst, if that made any sense. But instead of thinking of people on a hierarchy, or thinking of yourself on a hierarchy, just know, it’s all okay. I can be an okay, mom. Listen, if I thought that beating yourself up for not being the best worked. I’d be all for it. But it doesn’t work your emotions, remember, like fuel in a car. And the best fuel. The very best fuel is love, compassion, peace, abundance, and acceptance. And that’s what this tool, okay? As a parenthesis. And okay, as a way to make peace creates it creates those emotions that we want. Alright, so just as a recap, this tool of using the word okay, we can do it two ways, number one, as a parenthesis of a thought, to soften it to introduce love and compassion. Or we can use it for making peace, for being human. For being okay, with just being okay. It’s something where we can let go of that crazy standard that no one ever meets anyway. Okay. And just on a personal note, you guys, I think you’re amazing. To all of the moms out there that are listening to this podcast, and dads, good job for showing up. Happy Mother’s Day to you. Because good on you for being a mom at all. You are enough just the way you are. It’s okay, if you have a bad day. It’s okay to be the okayest mom in the world. No matter what it looks like on a day to day whether you get that package out whether you read your scriptures, whether you don’t read your Scriptures where you either make it to the temple, whether whatever you’re doing or not doing it’s o k,

29:12 give yourself credit for just showing up. And on Mother’s Day. Instead of listening to like this is the best kind of mom or this is the best kind of mom or this is the best kind of mom and observing what other people are doing. Go inside and feel okay with you. You are enough just you being you is enough. And to all the missionaries out there. I cannot tell you how you inspire me every day. You keep showing up. You’re in the arena everyday. There’s a lot of people watching from the sidelines. Mate, you’re in the army Minute, every day. I was talking to one mom, missionary mom client today. And we said, You know what? The mission is tough for everyone. Listen, all of you hear me, props to every single one of you. Props to you for choosing to be a part of the mission experience. Good job for showing up. Good job for being you. Good job for keeping going. I hope at the end of every single day, but especially on Mother’s Day, you can look in the mirror and say, Listen, good job, me, I showed up. And even if that meant that I couldn’t pull myself out of bed, or talk to anybody, or even if that meant I felt anxious the entire day. What I did was okay, I’m okay. And look yourself in the eyes and say, good job. Me. We showed up. And just showing up is okay. All right, you guys. Happiest Mother’s Day. I’ve been where you are. It’s hard. Having your missionaries out there I get it. And sending so much love to all of you missionaries all over the world. Keep up the good work, you are amazing. We’ll talk to you next week. Take care of serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can present a unique set of challenges. And many of those challenges you might not even see coming. So you’re gonna want a unique set of solutions. It’s easier than you think to overcome worry and anxiety serve the successful mission you’ve always dreamed of and navigate your post mission experience with confidence. That is why I created some amazing free goodies that I’m sharing in my show notes. Maybe you want to grab the free training for preparing missionaries, mic video course for RMS or maybe you and I should hop on a free strategy call. If you’re ready to take your preparedness to serve or your preparedness to come home to the next level. Then go grab one of those freebies. And in the meantime, no matter which part of the mission experience you were involved in. Just now that Jennie the LDS mission coach is thinking about you every single day