Confidence is something that we are ALL after. Some RM’s find they are confident while serving and then, struggle with confidence when they come home. Some Return Missionaries experience the opposite. Neither is right or wrong.
In this post I’m going to teach you the difference between the emotion of confidence and the emotion of self-confidence, how to create more of it and why only one of these emotions is completely vital to your success moving forward.
I’m 100% confident I can…
There are many things that I am confident about. I am confident that I can pour milk over a bowl of cereal. I am confident that I can tie my shoes. I am confident that I can walk across the room without falling over. And the list goes on and on of tasks and things that I can be 100% confident that I can do. I’m sure you have a list, as well.
But, what is interesting… though they seem simple and easy now, I didn’t always know how to do these things.
Cereal, Shoes and Walking
I vaguely remember what it is like to be just old enough to peer over the counter, grab a gigantic gallon of milk, and try to lug, balance, or heft it, just exactly right… as to get milk into my Life Cereal, without the bowl overflowing with milk. But sometimes, the bowl did overflow, I’d get frustrated, and do it all over again.
I remember my dad, diligently and patiently trying to teach me to tie my shoes. “Make a loop, around the loop, and back through the hole.” (my husband was taught the “Bunny Ear Method,” which just seems more complicated to me.) But… after much practice, working on my manual dexterity, and encouragement from my dad I became quite proficient. It required a lot or patience.
Now, walking… I don’t really remember when I learned how to do that. But, I’ve certainly witnessed all five of my children learning this process. It is always so amazing to me. No one sits down and says, “Ok, darling. You put one foot in front of the other, and move forward.” As parents, we help with the practice part and with the gaining the proficiency and consistency… but, no one actually sits down and teaches you how to walk. Rather, after falling down, and sticking with it, we just know what to do. So much determination, right?!
What was the Emotion I was working from?
Confidence is a feeling. So, if I feel confident about my ability to do these things now… what was the emotion I was working from then? It wasn’t confidence. Confidence is knowing that I can do something. But, how can we know for a surety that we can do something that we have never yet done?
The emotion required to do things we have never done before is Self-Confidence. Self-confidence is knowing that you can handle any emotion. It’s knowing that you can handle frustration. And that patience, though uncomfortable, isn’t a problem. It’s knowing that determination is a feeling that you can most certainly manage.
As soon as we are willing to feel any emotion and truly tap into that Self-Confidence, is when we really get to experience what life has to offer.
- Did you feel nervous when you arrived in the mission field?
- Did you feel dread when you took your first college exam?
- Did you feel heartbroken when the girl you first loved dumped you?
- Did you feel self-conscious when you told your mission president how you really felt?
- Did you feel worried about coming home from your mission?
Of course you did! If it was the first time you’d experienced these things… you for sure felt all of these emotions, or at least something similar. Now, if you weren’t willing to feel nervous, or dread, or heartbreak, or self-consciousness, or worry… you would not have done any of those things. But, instead, you tapped into the emotion of Self-Confidence, knowing that you can handle any emotion that comes your way.
So here are the main differences:
- Is generated by observing things outside of us.
- Based on the past.
- Because it is something we’ve done before, we can lean on proof that we’ve been successful before.
- Is generated from within ourselves.
- It is focused on the future.
- Because it is something new to us, we can’t lean on proof, so we have to lean on our ability to handle whatever emotion that comes up in the process.
If we want to get to Confidence, we have to be Self-Confident first.
Becoming a Certified Life Coach
I remember when I started my training to become a Certified Life Coach. It all felt so scary. I was excited, but I was also nervous, unsure and a little intimidated. Of course I felt this way! It was all new to me! If I had waited to feel confident BEFORE I started the certification, I never would have begun. The only way to gain that confidence was to jump into certification feet first… which also meant jumping into the feelings of nervous, unsure, and intimidated.
Tap Into Self-Confidence
See if you can try tapping into your Self-Confidence. It sounds a little something like this:
“I don’t know how to do this yet… but, I’m all in for every single emotion, until I figure it out.”
Once you do, there is nothing that can stop you.
Genuinely… anything is possible.