With the Coronavirus Pandemic, and missionaries coming and going… I’ve noticed a lot of judgement. There are two types of judgement that I’ve noticed. Judgement we have for other people/situations and judgements we have for ourselves. It always feels best to drop the judgement. And I’m going to explain why.
Last night I started to hear of missionaries getting reassigned. These are the COVID-19 missionaries who were sent home from foreign missions. My own son hasn’t received his reassignment….yet. But, I have to believe that his turn is not far off.
Reactions Will Vary
However long you served, or where you served, or how long you have been home… has very little to do with how you are taking the news of your reassignment. In actuality, the reactions to the reassignments are probably as varied as the number of missionaries.
We Think:
We think quarantined missionaries should be handling things better. Maybe we think that missionaries awaiting reassignment should be more eager to go back out and serve. Or maybe we think that a person asked to end their mission at 21 months, should not feel disappointed at all.
Possibly, we think that WE should be more excited to return to the mission field. And that WE shouldn’t feel wary to be reassigned to a mission that is still in quarantine.
About the word, “Should”
But, there is one thing that each of these sentences has in common. It’s the word, “Should.”
The list of things that we think people should and shouldn’t do is endless, right?
- My companion shouldn’t judge me for sleeping in until 7 a.m.
- My mission president should know that I do better in a companionship and not a trio.
- My mom should know the right things to say.
And then, there is the judgement we have for ourselves:
- I shouldn’t be sleeping in until 7 a.m.
- I should be happy with a trio.
- I should be ok with whatever my mom says.
Whenever we believe that someone should think, feel or behave a certain way…. We are just opening ourselves up for pain.
Because there is a direct correlation between the judgement we have for others and the judgement we have for ourselves.
The cycle that is created when we judge sounds like this:
They are not behaving in a way that I think is ok, and it ends up that I’m not okay with myself.
Or even more simply put:
I’m not okay with them, and so, I’m not okay with me.
So, what is the best remedy?
Three words.
Drop. The. Judgement.
How to do this for other people?
I like to tell myself the opposite of what my brain believes about the other person:
- My companion should judge me for sleeping in until 7 a.m.
- My mission president shouldn’t read my mind and know what type of companion situation I like best.
- My mom shouldn’t always know the right things to say.
How do you do this for yourself?
Replace self judgement with self compassion.
- It totally makes sense that sometimes I sleep in until 7 a.m.
- I’m learning to be the type of missionary that is chill with being in a trio.
- Sometimes the things my moms says make me a little upset, but it’s totally ok.
Go ahead, give it a try.
Drop the “should’s” and you’ll drop the judgement.
It’s the most awesome gift to give yourself.
Because when you give all of the people around you the space to mess things up, do it all wrong and be a human…
You’ll quickly be able to allow that same space for yourself.
