147. The Process That Will Make the Biggest Difference

Hey everyone, today’s episode I talk on finding the process that works best for you. I talked about how we’re all so uniquely different and how important it is to figure out what fills your own personal energy tank.

Some key things I discussed were the importance of asking yourself what you need in each moment and making sure your processes energize you rather than deplete you.

I want to encourag listeners to believe in their own unique way of doing things and reminded missionaries and leaders not to make assumptions but to communicate directly about needs. I hope you each discover what fuels you and allows you to make the biggest impact in your own way.

If you found this episode helpful, I want to invite you to subscribe if you aren’t already, share this episode with your friends and write a review. I know this work will help missionaries around the world and it would mean so much to me if you did. Until next week my friends.

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0:00 Hey, what’s up everyone, it’s Jennie Dildine, the LDS mission coach and you are listening to the LDS mission Podcast, episode number 147. The process that will make the biggest difference. I’m Jennie, the LDS mission coach. And whether you’re preparing to serve a mission, currently serving a returned missionary or a missionary mama like me, I created this podcast just for you. Are you searching for epic confidence? Ready to love yourself and to learn the how of doing hard things? Then let’s go. I will help you step powerfully into your potential and never question your purpose. Again. It’s time to embrace yourself. Embrace your mission, embrace your life, and embrace what’s next.

0:54 Hey, everybody, welcome to the podcast, I am pumped to be hanging out with you today, I wanted to let you know before we jump into all of the things that I want to discuss with you today, I wanted to remind you that there’s only three more days to get into mission prep plus, to get the buy one get one half off. And I’ve been having a lot of questions about that. You don’t have to be in the same cohort or session, one of you could take the May and one could take the June and one could take the July, we’re already filling all of those groups already. And we’re actually wrapping up the April group right now. And it is just phenomenal to see sort of the shifts that different of these kids are making and the tools that they’re starting to already implement and use right now so that they can really feel successful when they’re out on the mission. And one of the things I love most about Mission prep plus is you can ask any question, and we want to talk about it. Now. We want to talk about, like, if you’re thinking I don’t know if I’m going to have what it takes we want to talk about like what if I come home earlier than I was planning? What if I experienced anxiety out there? What if I’m missing my family? What if I’m homesick? Many of these questions you may not feel super comfortable asking once you get to the MTC and so I’m here for it, my coaches and I are here for it, my RM mentors are here for it. And let’s let’s get you the tools you need for your mindset and your emotional well being so that you can just hit the ground running once you get out there. So just go ahead, if you want the code for the 50% off, just email me Jennie at Jennie dildine.com, and say, Hey, I’m taking it with this person. She’s joining this one. And I’m joining this other class and just let me know and I can send you the 50% off code. So we’re already filling May and June. So get on it. It’s ends on the 15th tax day.

3:05 Also halfway through the month of April, since my birthday was on the first which was so fun, by the way, and I had such a beautiful day, maybe one of these days, I’ll record a podcast about that day because it was so wonderful and so abundant. That day, I just felt so good. I didn’t waste any time wishing that people would make me feel anything. I just decided to on purpose, feel the way that I wanted to feel. And so maybe I’ll record a podcast about that process. But one of the things that was really fun that happened on that day is I got a an email from a currently serving missionary. And I wanted to read it to you because it just filled my whole heart and my whole soul. It says Hey, Jenny, I am a currently serving missionary. And this might be kind of weird, but I just wanted to write you a quick thank you email. I found your podcast when I was preparing for my mission. I was struggling struggling with a lot of anxiety at the time. A lot of things about the mission scared me. I was feeling overwhelmed. And I didn’t know if I could do it. But I knew God wanted me to serve. I started listening to your podcast every morning. As I listened. Everything that I was struggling with, I was able to get answers to. As I started to implement the tools you gave me everything changed. I learned how to manage my emotions and how to feel less overwhelmed. I was so much happier. She says going into my mission I was much more confident I knew everything was going to be okay even if it would be hard. She says mission life hasn’t been easy, especially with anxiety but the tools you gave me have really helped me adjust. I can’t thank you enough for all you do. listening to your podcast has changed my mission. Oh, am I And then the best birthday present, I got, honestly, was just hearing the way that what we’re doing here. And what we’re talking about here is changing the lives of people who are serving missions and people who are coming home from missions. So if you would just share, even if you could just share this podcast with one person this summer, who’s getting ready to serve, it can make such a huge impact. And the thing that I love about this work is, it’s such a ripple effect. Because, you know, you sir, you share this podcast with one person, and then that person is going to affect their companion and their district and their zone and their mission and their mission leaders. And it just has a expansive ripple effect. That is just huge. So thank you so much for this beautiful email, I always love to hear from you guys, anytime, reach out and let me know how you’re doing. Let me know what you’re struggling with. And I can speak to it and even record a podcast, which reminds me, there’s many missionaries listening all over the world via Google Drive. And so if that’s something you’re interested in getting the podcast for your missionary who’s out serving, you can just email podcast at a Jennie dildine.com. And we’ll get you all set up, we’ll help get your missionary all set up.

6:26 So anyway, I wanted to share that with you. And it’s one of those times where I was just like, Oh, hey, this is this is helping. We’re doing good work here. So I really appreciate you guys being here. And for listening to the podcast and for sharing the podcast and getting the word out about the help that we give missionaries and RMS and their families as well. Okay, so let’s talk about the process that will make the biggest difference. One of the toughest things about the mission is the very ability, the infinite amount of variables of people, and their backgrounds and their experiences and their personalities. And like their genetics, and I’ve talked about this a few times on the podcast, the the way that a certain number of variables comes together in let’s say a companionship is infinite. When we think about one person’s background, their genetics, their personality, their past experiences, their emotional maturity. And we think about another person’s background experiences emotional resilience, emotional maturity. Also any sort of personality things that they’ve had, like, all of it is so different. And when we take that into account, not only with just the personalities and backgrounds, and the spirits of two people that are highly unique, and highly different. Then we add in the different environments that we live in, we add in the different language, we add in the different cultures, we add in the culture of our mission presidents, we add in our own variables, and other mission leadership, it’s just mind boggling to me how many different combinations that we have. So one of one of the things that I think can become problematic on the mission is that when we start to assume that everybody is the same, and especially in an environment, where we all kind of are homogenous in a way we have similar beliefs, we are sort of all dressing the same. We all have the same name tags, we have the same sort of goals and ideas about what we’re trying to accomplish. We worship the same savior. Okay, since we’re in this homogenous environment, it can often become problematic for us to start to cookie cutter, the processes that we go through and what I mean by processes. I’m going to give you tons of examples, but like, mostly what I’m talking about is things designed to get stuff done. So whether that’s the process to meet your goal, the process to become more physically fit, the process that you go through to become more spiritually mature, the process that you go through, to get ready in the morning, whatever that is, it’s like the process meaning just the steps that we take to get to some thing in the end came.

10:03 I want to specifically talk today about the process of what gives us renewed energy, renewed motivation, and renewed strength. And what things maybe don’t give us renewed energy and renewed strength. And I’m when I’m talking about energy, I’m talking about mental energy, emotional energy, and physical energy, maybe even spiritual energy. Okay? So I want us to sort of think about this energy reserve that all of us have, in our bodies, in our minds in our hearts, as sort of like a tank of gas in a car. And all of us, because of our genetics, because of our spirits, because of our makeup, because of our experiences, because of the emotions that we’ve experienced in the past, because of the thoughts that we think all of us have different ways of filling up. All of these kinds of energy. And all of us have different ways of different ways that that energy depletes. Throughout the day, some of us, in order to fill up that energy needs space. And some of us actually need a lot of interaction with people. This is maybe what we would call like an introvert or an extrovert, right? Some of us to feel motivated and have that energy fill up, need someone to push us and be like, Yeah, go for it, go, go go. And some of us feel really repelled by being pushed so hard. And so I think what I’m hoping with this podcast episode, is that we’re more open to the idea that everybody’s processes are different. There is no cookie cutter way to sort of meet the needs and the wants of every single person in a mission, or every single person in a district. Unless we get more specific and individual about what each person needs, and what their process looks like. What do they need? What do you need to fill up your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual energy? Okay, so I was talking to one missionary this week. And he’s a service missionary. And he’s sort of been told, like one of his processes is that he should have a schedule. And some other people in his life have a lot of ideas about what a schedule looks like, what a scheduling process should look like. It should be time blocked, it should be hourly, time block, like during this time, I’m going to do this. And during this time, I’m going to do this, and then I’m going to do this other thing. But what he was telling me is that when he time blocks like this, that it feels constricting, it actually deep pleats, his tank of energy of mental energy, emotional energy, even physical and energy, it’s like he becomes exhausted while being a slave to this time blocking.

13:29 Okay, so the question becomes, should everybody have a strict time blocked schedule? And I think the answer is no. I think that it is possible. And we need, we need to open our minds up to it a little bit, that for some people, a strict hourly time block schedule is energizing, it is motivating, but for other people. It’s sucks energy. So for you, as you’re thinking about this, how can you create a schedule that works for you? That you don’t feel like you are a slave to the schedule, if that feels like depleting to you to think of it that way. And for me, I actually spent so many years judging myself for like, I need to keep my Franklin Covey planner and I need to time block and I need to set my goals and then pencil all of those goals in time blocks into my calendar. And I spent so much energy just judging myself and trying to make myself fit a cookie cutter thing that someone told me was quote unquote, the right way to do it. And that was energy depleting for me because I was spin and self resentment and self judgment. It gets meet so many reasons when I didn’t follow that time block schedule to not like myself, and that is energy sucking, okay, that depleted my energy, I was a slave to the process, rather than having the process that worked best for me. And now I’m not saying don’t have a schedule. But what I am saying is for some people, it can be hourly, time blocked, and that’s amazing. And for others of us, what I like to do is I like to give myself like a four hour time block. And I say to myself, within this four hours, I’m going to make sure that I get a podcast recorded, I’m going to make sure that I pick my daughter up from school, I’m going to make sure that I approve a few podcasts or have approve a few posts for social media. Que and, and then I, that kind of time blocking, like, here’s six things that I can do within this four hour period is energizing to me, that actually fills up my tank, to do it that way. Because for one thing, it just feels better. To me. That’s my genetics. That’s my makeup. That’s the way I was built. But for another thing, I’m not spending so much time being in resentment and self judgment, and comparing myself to everybody else, I just get to create something, and have it be come from an energetic full place.

16:39 Okay, so just ask yourself, if a schedule is part of your daily process, what do you want your schedule to look like? Maybe for you, it’s like, on Mondays, we, you know, go out and meet other people on Tuesdays, we do all of our lessons on Wednesdays we do. Service, whatever it is for you, that works within the framework that like your mission president has set for you go ahead and see if you can try to make that schedule or that process work for you, instead of you working for the process, which will be depleting. Okay.

17:25 Here’s another example, a returned missionary who feels like they’re supposed to work out in a certain way or at a certain time. Like, I just got to get to the gym before I go to class. Okay, so here’s the question, should everybody across the board every human on the planet workout at a certain time before they go to school? Or before they get their day going? And in a certain way? No, because we’re all different. Remember the infinite amount of variables that are involved with you being a human with your past with what you have on your plate, and all of those kinds of things. For me, actually, I have a really busy week, this week, I’m gonna go speak to a group of sisters a Relief Society steak Relief Society, young, single adult group in Logan this weekend. And I have a lot kind of going on and in my mind and in my heart. And so last night, my husband said to me, he said, Well, are you going to work out with me in the morning? And I said, Actually, no. Because I know for me, working out for me is a energy depletion. It sucks my energy. That is not to say that that is how it is for everybody, for my husband, actually working out, adds energy to his gas tank, it actually, you know, adds energy to his battery life. So what I said to him is I said, You know what, I can’t and this week, I don’t have any drama about it either. I’m not like I should work out more and everybody works out in the morning and maybe I would just have more energy. No, I don’t play with any of that at all. I’m like, how does it work best for me? What is my best process? I remember one time a friend. I was thinking about this. A friend told me that she loved getting beat up at the gym. And not like by other people of course but she loved like just hitting it hard and getting beat up and that was energizing to her when I get beat up at the gym like basically beat myself up with like pushing myself and like going hard at it and all of that. Not energizing to me actually depletes my energy. I actually love yoga, and things like that. Okay, more like centering stuff and again, neither is right or wrong? It’s that we don’t have cookie cutter processes. Because we aren’t cookie cutter people. We all are so different. So how can we make working out? work to our benefit, make it energizing. And for me, sometimes that means taking a week off, instead of being a slave to the workout. Okay, how can we make the process work for us, instead of us being a slave to the process, which is not energizing.

20:38 Another example is my daughter doing her homework. So there’s one part of her she’s in sixth grade, and she wants to come home. And she’s like, I just want to push through, I just want to work really hard, and get it done. And then I’m going to relax. And then I’m gonna have some downtime. But I know her, she actually needs the downtime first. So many people would look at her and be like, Oh, well, that’s not okay, she should just push through, she should just work hard and push through. But for her, push, push, push, push, is not energized, it doesn’t fill up her gas tank, it actually depletes her gas tank further, if she decides to just push through. And actually, we celebrated my birthday a few days late, just because I was really busy on my birthday. And my other daughter had a concert and stuff. And so we have this tradition of being like, Well, what do we love about mom. And she says to me, my sixth grader, she said, I love so much that you remind me that I need to take a break. And that you remind me how my energy gets filled up. And so that just like was a testament right there, right? I’m just like, No, remember, you need a break. First, you need to take a little break, fill yourself up, and then do your homework. Some of us again, we’re all different.

22:17 Some of us are motivated by numbers. Some of us in business are motivated by money. Some of us are motivated by those kinds of things. Or maybe you’re motivated by baptisms or goals or things that you want to achieve. And actually, I hear a lot of like, sort of negative talk like we shouldn’t be motivated by numbers. But that’s actually not wrong. Unless you make the assumption that everybody should be motivated by numbers. And then you judge the people that aren’t motivated by numbers. And if you’re not motivated by numbers on the mission, what is it that you Are you motivated by? Are you motivated by making an impact or showing up with love or showing up with compassion, your process to meet your goals is just as important as the person’s whose process is to get the numbers, my husband’s always been more of a numbers guy. And I’ve always been more of a heart girl. Like, I just want to love people, I just want to help people. And he’s like, we need to get more numbers. Not wrong, just different. For him, it’s energizing to think about the goals and set hard, fast goals and meet those goals and, and crunch numbers and all of that. And for me, it’s depleting my energy to focus so much on numbers. And vice versa, right? For me to focus on heart and impact and helping and showing up in love, like is motivating to me. It’s energizing to me. And for him. You know, he likes that stuff, too. I mean, of course, he wants to show up in love. But it’s just we both are sort of like different people, unique people, driven by different processes, and neither is right or wrong. But which one is the best for me, and which one is the best for him.

24:25 So this is why it can be so challenging to be a parent, because I was talking to someone last week. All of our kids are so different, literally literally infinitely different the number of ways that genes can come together maybe one of you know that’s a geneticist or something but the way the genes come together, the birth order, the personalities, the spirits that our kids come with, the experiences that they have at school, there’s infinite ways that a person exists in the world and Then we got to figure out how to sort of not parent cookie cutter style. But to meet each person individually with what their needs are, and what their wants are and what their best processes are. Maybe for my other daughter, she shouldn’t rest before she starts her stuff. Maybe she should just dive right in, and then rest later, is different for everybody. This is why it’s so hard to be a mission leader. And it can be is because if you have 120, missionaries in your mission, they’re different, all of them. And a cookie cutter approach is not going to work for everybody. I always think of when the book where it talks about President Hinckley and when he went on his mission and his he was feeling discouraged. And his dad said, wrote him a letter, I’m sure you’ve heard this, and his dad said, Well forget yourself and go to work. So that approach that push, push, push Work, Work work is going to work for probably about half of your missionaries. And for the other half of your missionaries. That is de energizing, it is it doesn’t bring out the best in us doesn’t bring out our most motivated, compassionate action. Okay, it’s because we’re all so different. So maybe just play with this idea with yourself with your companions with your zone. You know, if you’re a zone leader, or a sister training leader, start playing with this idea that it’s not cookie cutter, don’t we learn that the Savior ministered to people one by one? Everybody’s process is different.

26:52 So stop making assumptions about what people need and what their processes instead you guys, if your companion seems to be struggling, we can just ask, we can just say listen companion, what do you need? What’s going on? You seem really kind of frazzled, or you seem really tired. What’s going on? What do you need? One time a cup, my coach asked me that I was on a session, I was just like, exhausted. My, my energy gas tank was like at zero, negative zero, like negative one. And I, and she was like, what do you need? And what I came up with, I was like, I just need a nap. And I need some open space in my calendar. It was really that simple. For me, that’s what I needed. Now someone else like maybe my husband would be like, I need a workout. I need to go for a run or whatever it is, right? I need. But for all of us, it’s different. I was talking to a missionary today, actually. And he was like, my companion always wants to go go go go and be with people and people and people and people and people. And I in order to recharge just need to be by myself and have a little bit of a distance. Right? And so how can we work that in as district leaders and mission leaders? How can we allow for a little bit of space for someone to meet the needs that they have? Right, and I’m not saying like we separate from our companion, we are always supposed to be with our companion. But for, you know, whatever the mission roles are, like, the person I was talking to was at one table at lunch and the other guy was at a different table. And they were both within earshot and I shot but he just needed a little bit of time and space, right? So everybody is different.

28:51 Just ask someone what they need. Ask them what how does this process work best for you? What would be the best process for you to meet these goals? Okay, I wrote down a few quick steps is to figure out the process that will make the biggest difference for you and for your mission.

29:15 Follow these steps: Number one, don’t wait for someone else to ask you. Number two, get curious and figure it out for yourself. So that’s number three, figure out what fills up your energy and what depletes your energy and it might be the same as your companion and it might be different than your companion and it might be the same as your dad. And it might be different than your dad and it might be the same as your roommate and it might be different from your roommate. That might be different from your spouse, okay. Number four, be open to how you can make the process work for you. Instead of you working for the process. If we’re working against the process and kind of butting our heads up against the process, I can guarantee you, it’s depleting you, instead of working for you. Number five, don’t compare. We don’t come from cookie cutter molds, you guys, any of us, it wouldn’t even be possible to make a cookie cutter of any of us, we are so infinitely different. And that is for a divine purpose. From our Heavenly Parents, right, especially on the mission, I was talking to one girl today that was like, she’s like, well, maybe I just need to be more like my companion, I was like, Nope, you are going to impact and share, like ideas with people that she doesn’t even understand. And vice versa, because you are so different. Okay, um, number six. And this is the last one, believe your process is the process that will make the biggest difference for people. So just believe that figure out what fills up your energy, okay. And that thing is, what is the best process it is the thing that will make the biggest difference is when you’re you. And when you lean into being you. And when you show up in these processes in the way that fills you up, instead of a way that defeats you.

31:25 I want to talk about this analogy. One more time of this, like car that has a tank. So picture like if you start your day out and you have a full tank of gas. And then throughout the day, depending on what’s going on, you’re going to have things that kind of deplete your energy and things that fill you up and things that deplete your energy and things that fill you up and things that deplete your energy. Again, all of us are different. Those things for each of us. What what do that for you? And what does that for your companion? What does that for your mission president all of us are different. So here’s the thing that we don’t want to have happen is we don’t want to let that become so depleted. That then we’re just pushing the car. Let’s say I wanted to go up to target and, and my gas tank is full. Okay. And then on the way like I take a little detour, and then I have a conversation and then I you know, I don’t know I sit at a stoplight for a really long time, it would never take me a full tank of gas to get to target by the way. But I hope you understand the analogy is like, let’s say I ran out of gas on the way to target. If I ran out of gas on the way to target it is so saves so much time to just pull over at the Chevron and get some gas. versus how much time does it take to push my car to target. So get really good and practiced at knowing what fills you up and what depletes you. For some of you it’s people for some of you it’s alone time for some of you it’s walks for some of you at staying inside, totally different for all of us. Some of us, it’s working out some of us it’s taking a nap, whatever it is. So what is the best process for you that will make the biggest difference and the biggest impact in your energy levels and the way that you’re able to show up on your mission. The process that will make the biggest difference is the one that works for you. The one that fills up your tank, not some cookie cutter answer of what someone told you the way it was supposed to be. But what fills up your tank and we can totally fill up our tanks within the framework of the mission. And the mission rules 100% You can totally do that. But make those processes. Those rules work for you. Instead of you working for those processes. Okay, you’re here to do something special. You’re here to do something unique and to share something unique with the people around you. And that is really important to share. You are here to make a difference. So figure out what your process is and lean into that. Okay, my friends, everyone have the most amazing week and we will talk to you next time.

34:38 Serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can present a unique set of challenges, and many of those challenges you might not even see coming. So you’re gonna want a unique set of solutions. It’s easier than you think to overcome worry and anxiety serve the successful mission you’ve always dreamed up and navigate your post mission experience with confidence. That is why I created some amazing free goodies that I’m sharing in my show notes. Maybe you’ll want to grab the free training for preparing missionaries, my video course for RMS or maybe you and I should hop on a free strategy call. If you’re ready to take your preparedness to serve or your preparedness to come home to the next level. Then go grab one of those freebies. And in the meantime, no matter which part of the mission experience you are involved in, just know that Jenny, the LDS mission coach is thinking about you every single day.

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Hey! I'm Jennie - The LDS Mission Coach.

Preparing for, serving and coming home from an LDS Mission can present countless changes and transitions. I’ve seen these changes put missionaries at the mercy of their emotions and questioning their abilities. With the tools I teach, young adults empower themselves to navigate every moment of the mission experience with epic, unwavering confidence.

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